I woke up with a song in my heart. That song is Shoes by Kelly.

A client just said awesome sauce to me in an email

Every Airbnb is beach themed

How did Freddie Prince Jr in She’s All That show up naked to graduation? Like, how did no teachers stop him?

If you split commencement into two words, it’s basically “common cement” and really that’s why we’re all here

Older people love to watch millennials do the cotton eyed Joe and laugh at how we all know it as if they aren’t the ones who put it on the curriculum

Whenever I attend a wedding I get Panic! stuck in my head

I keep seeing posts about how the new pope is from Chicago but I haven’t seen anything mentioning that he’s 69. We used to be a proper country.

I went through years of schooling to end up just writing email for a living

If a cop already has someone else pulled over, that’s a free pass to go as fast as you can. They’re already busy, they can’t get you

One of my kinks is telling clients no when they ask for my phone number.

“Just realized you’re off today” well I told you yesterday

This bar put a lime in my lemon drop wtf

I remember hearing “Hung Up” in a gift shop in Hilton Head South Carolina when I was like 6 and thinking it was amazing. I remembered the lyrics to look it up later and learned it was a Madonna song. That’s how I learned who Madonna was.

I chatted with my supervisor for an hour today and at the end she said it was nice to conversate with me and I just sat there like