Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.
@lewandowskiphd.bsky.social
Chief Love Scientist @ lovestrategies.com | @TEDx Speaker | @PsychToday writer helping 10 million+ people attract fulfilling relationships w/ science
www.PsychologyofRelationships.com
www.PsychologyofRelationships.com
Your ex-partner has come back into your life. What’s the best move? Is this the second chapter of an amazing love story, or just another way to prolong the pain?
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Should You Get Back Together with Your Ex? 5 Steps to Help You Decide
A Clear, Science-Backed Guide to Rekindling or Letting Go
open.substack.com
December 11, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Your ex-partner has come back into your life. What’s the best move? Is this the second chapter of an amazing love story, or just another way to prolong the pain?
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
You need to be confident, but a lot of people fake it.
Confidence isn't thinking you’re the best, being popular, or perfect.
Confidence is being secure in who you are and knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be ok.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Confidence isn't thinking you’re the best, being popular, or perfect.
Confidence is being secure in who you are and knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be ok.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Calm of True Confidence in Love and Life
The Psychology Behind Real Confidence and Why It Builds Connection
open.substack.com
December 4, 2025 at 1:21 PM
You need to be confident, but a lot of people fake it.
Confidence isn't thinking you’re the best, being popular, or perfect.
Confidence is being secure in who you are and knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be ok.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Confidence isn't thinking you’re the best, being popular, or perfect.
Confidence is being secure in who you are and knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be ok.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
"Sorry..."
It's a people pleaser's favorite word.
Though you’re being nice, there's a way to be kinder to yourself.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
It's a people pleaser's favorite word.
Though you’re being nice, there's a way to be kinder to yourself.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Hidden Cost of Being Too Nice (and the Strategy That Fixes It)
A gentle shift that helps you stay kind without shrinking yourself.
open.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 1:54 PM
"Sorry..."
It's a people pleaser's favorite word.
Though you’re being nice, there's a way to be kinder to yourself.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
It's a people pleaser's favorite word.
Though you’re being nice, there's a way to be kinder to yourself.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
When your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Getting out (even if it’s not you making the ultimate decision) is addition by subtraction.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Stronger Than You Think: Surviving Break Up
How to Let Go, Move Forward, and Reclaim Your Strength
open.substack.com
November 20, 2025 at 1:13 PM
When your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does. Getting out (even if it’s not you making the ultimate decision) is addition by subtraction.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The deepest love isn’t the loudest, it’s the kind that happens quietly, behind the scenes, without us even knowing it.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Needy vs. Needed: Reclaiming Your Emotional Independence
The Science of Support: Why a Little Less Can Mean a Whole Lot More
open.substack.com
November 13, 2025 at 1:31 PM
The deepest love isn’t the loudest, it’s the kind that happens quietly, behind the scenes, without us even knowing it.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
“We never argue.”
A sign of strength or a sign of trouble?
Why every couple needs to learn how to argue better…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
A sign of strength or a sign of trouble?
Why every couple needs to learn how to argue better…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Conflict as Connection: The Surprising Truth About Arguments
The psychology of building emotional security through better disagreements.
open.substack.com
November 6, 2025 at 7:58 PM
“We never argue.”
A sign of strength or a sign of trouble?
Why every couple needs to learn how to argue better…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
A sign of strength or a sign of trouble?
Why every couple needs to learn how to argue better…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Closeness can feel suffocating. Distance also feels threatening.
Greater connection means greater vulnerability.
Your amazing partner could drift away and be lost forever.
Finding the optimal balance of closeness and connection is a challenge for every couple. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Greater connection means greater vulnerability.
Your amazing partner could drift away and be lost forever.
Finding the optimal balance of closeness and connection is a challenge for every couple. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Proximity Paradox: Why Closeness Isn't Always Connection
How to stay close without losing yourself or suffocating your relationship.
open.substack.com
October 30, 2025 at 12:12 PM
Closeness can feel suffocating. Distance also feels threatening.
Greater connection means greater vulnerability.
Your amazing partner could drift away and be lost forever.
Finding the optimal balance of closeness and connection is a challenge for every couple. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Greater connection means greater vulnerability.
Your amazing partner could drift away and be lost forever.
Finding the optimal balance of closeness and connection is a challenge for every couple. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
When love means losing yourself, devotion becomes depletion, not connection.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Martyr Myth: How Self-Sacrifice Sabotages Love
Why doing less may be better for both of you.
open.substack.com
October 23, 2025 at 12:05 PM
When love means losing yourself, devotion becomes depletion, not connection.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Our partner is supposed to love us for who we are, not who they would rather us be.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Change Them or Choose Them: You Can’t Do Both
The science of loving someone as they are, and helping them become who they want to be.
open.substack.com
October 16, 2025 at 12:10 PM
Our partner is supposed to love us for who we are, not who they would rather us be.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Essential lessons, reminders, and realities about modern relationships. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
12 Must Read Insights about Dating and Relationships
Essential lessons, reminders, and realities about modern relationships.
open.substack.com
October 9, 2025 at 12:17 PM
Essential lessons, reminders, and realities about modern relationships. open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
In dating, everyone focuses on sexual chemistry. Yet, in long-term relationships, emotional chemistry is what really matters.
The magic ingredient is appreciation: When partners show love and gratitude, intimacy thrives.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The magic ingredient is appreciation: When partners show love and gratitude, intimacy thrives.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Intimacy Trap: When Sex Becomes a Relationship Test
How much, how often, and how good...what your sex life really means for love.
open.substack.com
October 2, 2025 at 12:19 PM
In dating, everyone focuses on sexual chemistry. Yet, in long-term relationships, emotional chemistry is what really matters.
The magic ingredient is appreciation: When partners show love and gratitude, intimacy thrives.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The magic ingredient is appreciation: When partners show love and gratitude, intimacy thrives.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Looks fade. Status shifts. Careers change. Character endures.
The surprising science of attraction and relationship success…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The surprising science of attraction and relationship success…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Chemistry Beyond the Checklist: Why Looks and Status Aren’t Enough
The surprising science of attraction and relationship success.
open.substack.com
September 25, 2025 at 12:27 PM
Looks fade. Status shifts. Careers change. Character endures.
The surprising science of attraction and relationship success…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The surprising science of attraction and relationship success…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Clarity reveals compatibility. When you know what you want, you see who fits. @psychtoday.bsky.social
@psychologytoday.com
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...
@psychologytoday.com
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...
Dating Made Easy: The Power of Knowing What You Want
Tired of dating that feels draining and confusing? The secret isn’t dating more, it's dating clearer. Learn how being clear about what you want changes everything.
www.psychologytoday.com
September 19, 2025 at 2:23 AM
Clarity reveals compatibility. When you know what you want, you see who fits. @psychtoday.bsky.social
@psychologytoday.com
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...
@psychologytoday.com
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...
Reposted by Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.
Is the idea that getting into a romantic relationship increases well-being a myth? A new MacLab paper says no. And I had so much to say about this work, I started a Substack: The Unromantic. Links for the paper and the Substack in replies.
September 15, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Is the idea that getting into a romantic relationship increases well-being a myth? A new MacLab paper says no. And I had so much to say about this work, I started a Substack: The Unromantic. Links for the paper and the Substack in replies.
Don’t seek a perfect relationship, build a resilient one.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Perfectly Flawed: How Realistic Expectations Create Lasting Love
Everyone deserves to have a great relationship, but “great” doesn’t mean perfect.
open.substack.com
September 18, 2025 at 12:27 PM
Don’t seek a perfect relationship, build a resilient one.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
If you look for differences you’ll find them.
But if you look for similarities, you’ll find those too.
One helps your relationship, while the other makes connection more difficult.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
But if you look for similarities, you’ll find those too.
One helps your relationship, while the other makes connection more difficult.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Gender Myth: How 'Men vs. Women' Thinking Destroys Intimacy
Thriving relationships aren’t built on stereotypes, but on understanding.
open.substack.com
September 11, 2025 at 12:17 PM
If you look for differences you’ll find them.
But if you look for similarities, you’ll find those too.
One helps your relationship, while the other makes connection more difficult.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
But if you look for similarities, you’ll find those too.
One helps your relationship, while the other makes connection more difficult.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
A situationship is when they're not invested enough to commit, and you're not confident enough to walk away.
September 5, 2025 at 1:32 PM
A situationship is when they're not invested enough to commit, and you're not confident enough to walk away.
Relationships are important.
Time is short.
You need to get it right.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Time is short.
You need to get it right.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
What If Everything You Believe About Love Is Wrong?
What you don’t know about relationships could lead to heartbreak.
open.substack.com
September 4, 2025 at 12:03 PM
Relationships are important.
Time is short.
You need to get it right.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Time is short.
You need to get it right.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors…” ― Anaïs Nin
What are you missing? The next “course” on Psychology of Relationships starts soon…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
What are you missing? The next “course” on Psychology of Relationships starts soon…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Why Smart People Make Bad Relationship Choices: The Myths Ruining Your Love Life
Relationships are important. Time is short. Get it right.
open.substack.com
August 28, 2025 at 12:36 PM
“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors…” ― Anaïs Nin
What are you missing? The next “course” on Psychology of Relationships starts soon…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
What are you missing? The next “course” on Psychology of Relationships starts soon…
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
#9 - Don’t use how someone feels about you to decide how you feel about them.
#15 - Long-term relationship happiness relies on compatibility. Your romantic partner should be your best friend.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
#15 - Long-term relationship happiness relies on compatibility. Your romantic partner should be your best friend.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Connection Code: Your Keys to Unlocking a Love That Lasts
Over twenty years as a relationship scientist and professor, and now over three years as a dating/relationship coach have given me lots of insights to share.
open.substack.com
August 22, 2025 at 4:15 PM
#9 - Don’t use how someone feels about you to decide how you feel about them.
#15 - Long-term relationship happiness relies on compatibility. Your romantic partner should be your best friend.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
#15 - Long-term relationship happiness relies on compatibility. Your romantic partner should be your best friend.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Every relationship problem has the same initial solution: Communication. psychologyofrelationships.substack.com/p/the-scienc...
The Science of Communication: What Builds Connection and What Breaks It
We need to talk.
psychologyofrelationships.substack.com
August 16, 2025 at 12:11 PM
Every relationship problem has the same initial solution: Communication. psychologyofrelationships.substack.com/p/the-scienc...
"When your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does." open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Break Up Doesn’t Have to Leave You Broken
Great relationships seldom fail, but bad ones do as they should.
open.substack.com
August 14, 2025 at 12:12 PM
"When your relationship doesn’t help you become a better person, ending it does." open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
Healthy relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they do take (a little) work.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
The Foundation of Forever: Simple Strategies for Enduring Connection
Healthy relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they do take (a little) work.
open.substack.com
August 7, 2025 at 12:16 PM
Healthy relationships shouldn’t be hard, but they do take (a little) work.
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
open.substack.com/pub/psycholo...
You might be dating for the wrong reasons without knowing it. What’s your “why?” @psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...
Find Your Dating Why: 6 Key Motivations for Seeking Love
Dating isn't just about who or how, but why. New research points to 6 key reasons people seek love and why your “why” matters, because not all reasons for love are created equal.
www.psychologytoday.com
July 24, 2025 at 12:25 PM
You might be dating for the wrong reasons without knowing it. What’s your “why?” @psychologytoday.com www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-...