If what you are doing isn’t working, you need to be able to adapt. You need to be flexible on how you approach others. Not coming to the table with some end goal, but with a real curiosity about the other person.

I know some guys struggling to get a date even. An issue most of these guys are having is that they are not leaving room for the other person. They’re not leaving room in the conversation to learn about the person they want to date. They’re not asking questions or seeking to learn/listen.

For a second/third date you probably will have better opportunities to show more acts of service for instance being willing to pick them up, cooking them dinner/making them some homemade sweets.

Quality time can be shown by not having distractions out during your date and listening to what they say

‘Love language’ can vary from welcome touching such as hand holding. Specific and personal kind words about them such as the “effort they put into their cute outfit”. You can bring them a small gift such as their favorite candy that you asked about casually before the date or their favorite flower.

You may be able to start picking up on someone’s ‘love language’ right away from a first date. I feel that doing so would help setup the potential for future dates. As ‘love language’ is the specific efforts you put in that they show the most positive responses to.

Picking up on interest is a bit more subtle and physical. You may have heard eye contact matters, but not everyone feels comfortable showing a ton of eye contact with someone new right away either. If they face you a lot, ask questions or feel comfortable talking a lot it’s a good sign!

You can usually pick up personality from cues as well from the small actions another person takes, but maybe don’t overthink things either if that makes sense. If you see a pattern of behavior, good or bad, then that is how you may know that is how someone is.

Generally, a first date is where you will find out if there is the potential for chemistry. I think feeling nervous is a good sign! Because it means you feel some eagerness that you may actually like this other person! I suggest leaning into it lol

Be bold, but not overbearing.

How do I break the ice?

I would suggest making a unique message because it is something interesting, different, and can stand out. Your mileage will vary here, but generally try not to make it too much about someone’s bio but a greeting and question you may have for them specifically.

For your bio, write a bit about what you like to do for fun. If there are things you like pushing yourself to do then don’t be afraid to share!

I suggest to avoid listing dislikes in the bio section for better results, as it can shift the focus away from the things that make you interesting.

How do I show interest in learning about the person I’m talking to?

Read over their bio first, as what they typed out will give you some clues as to the type of person they are and what type of person/connection they are looking for.

Photos can help show how social the other person is as well.

What do I mean by ‘Best Self’?

Having pictures that clearly show who you are, what you look like, and capture the expression you want to put forward (fun, flirty, silly, mysterious, etc.). What you put forward is what you can expect to pull back, so to speak.

Please note, I am do not accept any forms of compensation. I’m just here to help spread happiness and nurture meaningful connections in the BlueSky community! :D

Whether you’re someone struggling with finding that initial connection, in the talking or texting phase, actively dating, or maintaining your current relationship I can offer feedback/advice for each hurdle of your journey!