Canada seems pretty cool. But not edmonton. Hope a meteor hits that ball sack of a city. #nhlplayoffs

Well, I guess we know who the refs are rooting for. #kingsvsoilers #nhl #refyousuck #gokingsgo

Refs you suck so much. Why do you hate everything good in the world, and why would you stop a goalie fight?
#gokingsgo #goaliefight #nhl

Find someone who looks at you like white guys look at rooftop tents.

I’ll say it. Teddy Swims is just Adele for guys.

How’s everyone’s egg prices?

Um, is this customer service? Yeah, I got a new year last week, and I’d like to return it.