I think I forgor to post this here anyway it's based on this

I did this a while ago but kinda forgot to post it

I've been in that position before, but from my experience, self-hatred is a double edged sword. As much as it may motivate you to try and do good, it can still linger and eat at you constantly, always finding flaws about yourself and the painful cycle continues. It ends up doing more harm than good.

You may love The Good Place then (or at least the play it was based on)