[A woman runs screaming from an axe murderer and trips over a log]

"God, horror movies are so stupid. Who does that?"

"She's scared, man. Come on."

"Not her. Why is he just walking?"

"Uh, who? The killer?"

"Get in there! Swing where she's headed, not where she is!"

"Uuuh."

"What an amateur!"

It was not that Paul hated Jake. They had been friends since 3rd grade, after all. But the simple fact of the matter is that there was one slice of pepperoni left, and Paul had so far eaten only seven of the eight slices. He deserved this. And Jake, if he was a good friend, would understand.

[X-Men watching a TV chess tournament]

Wolverine: ...this sucks.

Prof. X: It's a game of the mind, Logan.

Cyclops: Professor...this sucks.

[Prof. X touches his temple]

Cyclops: ...wait. This is getting good...

[Wolverine leans forward then blinks] Oh God Dammit, Chuck.

"Mannerisms, huh?" The man read the skeet, craning his neck like a Eurasian spoonbill. "Pish posh." He plunged his face into the pond where he sat, snatched a minnow with his lips, and tossed back his head, sending the slimy treat down his gullet.