In fantasy, I am definitely the pursuer, and lean towards rough SM with dub/noncon. In reality, definitely prefer being the pursued, and really like the 'submission as sacrifice for acknowledgement' approach

Ooh this is such an interesting question! I think there's a neat distinction in my fantasy/irl preferences, which also slots weirdly neatly into my preferred D/s flavours in each too

oh my GOD this is great art and also i need to be him

this is so cool!!

honestly figuring out how to negotiate for lifestyle findom has been such a messy trial and error thing for me in part because of how difficult it is to have any discussion of this kink that doesn't devolve into advertising

I get that pros need to advertise, but it does also make it *so* hard for those of us genuinely interested in findom in a lifestyle sense to get useful info too! Especially if you're drawn to flavours that aren't essentially 'be somebody's unpaid accountant/financial advisor'

i've found a knot is basically always gonna require an elasticated o-ring on the strap (rather than e.g. a metal one). once you've got that on the harness, most knotted dildos are as strap compatible as each other - a partner has one from uncover creations, i've got one from sinnovator

you don't have to switch for all things, with all kinds of partners, or on all axes! personally, I switch for D/s (and I'm more inclined to switch for women than men) but I'm an exclusive top for penetration and most SM

it's a little funny but also a little sad baby late teens/early 20s me genuinely thought it was normal to zone out during play/sex and only be really interested in the foreplay. sometimes i want to shake my younger self and go 'sweetie, you're bored bc you're a dom top trying to be a sub bottom'