wolfwood's so disassociated from pain and his body that the hurt grounds him. the fact that wounds stay untreated as long as they can at his request makes him feel like a person again

and the fingerprints around his throat remind him he belongs to someone

bruises mean he's real. cuts mean there's evidence left behind of his hurt. he would never tell him, but he is so thankful for vash going along with this crazy dynamic despite the emotional landmine field theyre carefully navigating or sometimes barrelling straight through

wolfwood counts his welts and bruises like gold medals and feels like he's achieved something hard won if he can keep them for over a day. the vials heal him near instantly, but a slightly accelerated speed is now organic to him.

wolfwood would beg and beg for more, harder, something that matters, /stays/ for longer than it takes to tip a vial back like a shot. it's like herding cats trying to get vash in the mindset and comfortable enough to hit him that hard and that much to have him feel more than a gentle reminder sting

hes so used to feeling a sense of ....abandonment? no, maybe isolation... that keeping a reminder on his skin of the pain endured, a body that remembers, is something that feels so just out of reach. it's always the same: vial up, stuff it down, pretend it never happened and it can't get to you

i said id talk about knives but this is mainly vashwood's only slightly dubious bdsm practices au so heres one of my fav takes of wolfwood in this dyanmic (but not the only one i have 🤭)

on the other hand the feeling of something sticking around on wolfwoods body entices him so much.

finding a healthy way to give into those ugly, unwanted emotions in a non-permanent scene with trust and permission and care from his partner taking the strikes and vile words he only half-means with knowledge it will be okay afterwards and nothing will change and the love will still be there...ah