Brother, don't take it personally. You did not write the "shetona men don't owe child support" lore

I saw a gnome whole wandering around and offering to clean up people's yards. I then became obsessed with finding it again to prove it was real

It occurs to me that the bad thing that's going to happen is not (just) my anxiety, but the very real fact that I have to magically make $700 appear in my bank account this week. Wish me luck at giant interview.

Those affected should seek immediate medical attention and prepare final arrangements. All others should shelter in place, in a windowless room, until further notice.

This radiation burst was not capable of penetrating buildings. If you were indoors and away from windows at this time, you have likely not been affected. If you were, however, your genetic code has been irreparably damaged.

At 1:47 A.M. on 11/12, a projectile of unknown origin detonated several miles above Warren County, New York. This detonation produced a bright flash, which reportedly carried a concentrated burst of ionizing radiation apparently engineered to damage genetic material.

I'm casting a hex to channel your misfortune into grandma's favorite sports teams