Me sitting there with a mounting level of work and being the only one handling it all for the last two hours of shift

April. April cannot come soon enough. Please.

I made a joke a few weeks ago that these next three weeks would be just work every day, all day, I did not mean for it to come true like this

I may be in California but the winter storm is affecting me from here too, my god

it’s really hard not to see it as the latter. Because somehow— it really did feel exactly like he was talking to me after all

Also he told me very clearly to keep playing my video games & it’s been nice seeing how much fun I have with it🥺just when I finally got through my burnout

Timing, you know?

Man. Very sorry for always dream talking on here but either my brain is playing tricks on me or my dad is always working really hard to communicate with me from the other side, but as someone who tries Not to see meaning where there isn’t any because I don’t like being disappointed—

Which is now. Which is recently. Which is when I’m lying literally debilitated in bed because my back gave out on me, without sick leave to bolster my funds, and at a time when my mom, brother and friends are all gently reminding me it’s okay to quit this job, because I keep getting ill bec of it

It’s somehow an exact amount that I wouldn’t mind using towards these things. Because although I don’t like using his funds if I can help it, it’s somehow just enough that I could count on it to keep coming through in case I needed it for the months my paycheck was short…

I woke up sobbing again because it felt like I was talking to him directly again?? & it’s made wilder by the timing. I received some extra funds from my inheritance last week. A monthly stipend, just enough to make sure I could cover everything I needed. Just so I could stop checking my bank account

Craziest part of that dream was him checking in on me & asking me if I had enough money for everything, including my Manila trip, cosplay, the vet, just in general if I had enough for everything I needed, & it felt like the exact same way he used to worry about me & what I needed when he was here…

he visiting me, I feel. reminding me it’s not all what my brain thought it was, probably. I’m grateful

genuinely it went ‘my dream was a sad one because I was taking care of him and he was so thin I couldn’t recognize him’ then went ‘all the photos being offered randomly as today’s wallpaper were images from when he was at his normal weight and relatively healthy’ and it’s. comforting. honestly.

sometimes ( more often even ) necessary

Spray painting my Chakrams I hope I don’t fuck it up

One of those shades where I feel like I need 2 of them as a backup they’re so pretty !!!