Lance Said This
@lancesaidthis.bsky.social
A dorky, fun loving souse who likes crosswords & people who don't litter. Wrote for Rules of Engagement (CBS), Stuck in the Middle (Disney), & more. Just here for jokes.
My Stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5ek6l2rvwipwzzebkdcc2jai/feed/aaaoulnn7lmgq
My Stuff: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5ek6l2rvwipwzzebkdcc2jai/feed/aaaoulnn7lmgq
Just getting ready to watch the baseball game with 34 of my friends.
Why, yes, I 𝘢𝘮 single!
Why, yes, I 𝘢𝘮 single!
October 31, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Just getting ready to watch the baseball game with 34 of my friends.
Why, yes, I 𝘢𝘮 single!
Why, yes, I 𝘢𝘮 single!
If this shirt stays this clean by the end of dinner it's because he used the Constitution as a bib.
September 18, 2025 at 7:25 AM
If this shirt stays this clean by the end of dinner it's because he used the Constitution as a bib.
I love when I find something in my price range AND matches my decor!
May 27, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I love when I find something in my price range AND matches my decor!
I'm gonna guess "no weiner"...
May 15, 2025 at 4:53 AM
I'm gonna guess "no weiner"...
Almost forgot, last week was the 15th year anniversary of my first Network Prime Time writing credit! ("Rules of Engagement" on CBS) Good times!
March 23, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Almost forgot, last week was the 15th year anniversary of my first Network Prime Time writing credit! ("Rules of Engagement" on CBS) Good times!
St. Patrick is the reason why Jake the Snake Roberts was never allowed to wrestle in Ireland.
March 15, 2025 at 10:07 PM
St. Patrick is the reason why Jake the Snake Roberts was never allowed to wrestle in Ireland.
Hey movie directors who put human-sized vents in their movies... how big do you think air is?
March 13, 2025 at 1:16 AM
Hey movie directors who put human-sized vents in their movies... how big do you think air is?
In the middle of massive fires here in LA and JAMIE FOXX IS NOT HELPING!
January 9, 2025 at 2:34 AM
In the middle of massive fires here in LA and JAMIE FOXX IS NOT HELPING!
It's like the city isn't even trying anymore.
December 10, 2024 at 2:51 AM
It's like the city isn't even trying anymore.
I feel like a real psychic would have seen this coming...
December 5, 2024 at 8:39 PM
I feel like a real psychic would have seen this coming...
Deer 1: Imagine your head being mounted on some wall. What could be more humiliating?
Deer 2: I can think of a couple things.
Deer 2: I can think of a couple things.
December 3, 2024 at 6:53 PM
Deer 1: Imagine your head being mounted on some wall. What could be more humiliating?
Deer 2: I can think of a couple things.
Deer 2: I can think of a couple things.
It's like if lunch meat caught an STD.
November 25, 2024 at 6:43 AM
It's like if lunch meat caught an STD.
Guys, I think I just found who will be producing JD Vance's next home movie...
September 28, 2024 at 7:24 PM
Guys, I think I just found who will be producing JD Vance's next home movie...
I know she's upset about falling, but drinking is not the answer...
August 5, 2024 at 8:08 PM
I know she's upset about falling, but drinking is not the answer...
I love these little airplane cans. It makes me feel like Andre the Giant.
July 27, 2024 at 10:23 PM
I love these little airplane cans. It makes me feel like Andre the Giant.
Well, this seems a tad hypocritical...
July 7, 2024 at 9:22 PM
Well, this seems a tad hypocritical...
Might I suggest more fiber?
June 20, 2024 at 12:43 AM
Might I suggest more fiber?
This Hall & Oates feud is getting serious. Oates made those records too, why Hall gotta take his name off?
June 14, 2024 at 10:28 PM
This Hall & Oates feud is getting serious. Oates made those records too, why Hall gotta take his name off?
I assume the asterisk is for A, in which case I applaud these anti-sax beds. If I had an event the next morning and my roomie was playing the saxophone all night, I'd be pissed!
June 13, 2024 at 3:46 AM
I assume the asterisk is for A, in which case I applaud these anti-sax beds. If I had an event the next morning and my roomie was playing the saxophone all night, I'd be pissed!
You know what Jesus DOESN'T do? Vandalize city property.
June 4, 2024 at 3:41 PM
You know what Jesus DOESN'T do? Vandalize city property.
Looks like I found a name for my new Improv Group...
May 15, 2024 at 9:57 PM
Looks like I found a name for my new Improv Group...
I just found the "Where's Waldo" of street signs.
May 8, 2024 at 1:18 AM
I just found the "Where's Waldo" of street signs.
I guess that would numb the pain...
April 4, 2024 at 11:04 PM
I guess that would numb the pain...
St. Patrick was the reason why Jake the Snake Roberts wasn't allowed to wrestle in Ireland.
March 17, 2024 at 5:47 PM
St. Patrick was the reason why Jake the Snake Roberts wasn't allowed to wrestle in Ireland.