why isn’t anything on here funny tho including my own material

The energy I’m bringing to situations big and small is Brad Pitt at the end of Inglorious Basterds. “Now that … that I can’t abide”

do you ever look at footage of the cat in the hat balloon that nearly killed someone at the 1997 Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade and think, yeah of course this balloon was too big it’s like something out of a horror movie

when the pope’s brother milkshake ducks ill be the one to say I told you so

Does ostensibly mean what I think it means? Ostensibly

Men have made one good thing in history and it’s Ocean’s 11 (2001)

how do I make my tweets private also what do we call tweets here

bummed to hear tr*** referenced in the white lotus, I prefer to believe this universe has a fictional American president who is an unexpected but extremely well cast actor

Putting my thoughts and ideas on here doesn’t feel quite right but like, can you even imagine what my loved ones are going through since I stopped tweeting