so sad that my dog will never get to experience drunk in the women’s restroom

girlfriend is faded off that nike (nyquil dm) aka it’s time for me to listen to my boy podcasts out loud in the apartment

“It changes your life when you get arrested and you see everything that you ever had about to go away because you were trying to provide a living. A lot of these people provide work for people because nobody else wants to do the job.”

Our top story: For the past three years, ENTRE has collected photos, home movies, and oral histories of Boca Chica from Valley residents, who’ve visited the free-access beach, little-known to tourists from the rest of the state, for generations to fish, barbecue, and even camp overnight.

there’s no room in heaven for people in the pre-boarding flight group

give a lesbian a blazer, she slays for a day

teach a lesbian a blazer, she slays for a lifetime…

real twerk business

late night comedian jimmy
phallus

just drank a hot chocolate that changed the trajectory of my life

just sent an hr person an email with 18 attachments and im supposed to act like that’s normal and okay to do

roommate’s cat just got up and into my bf’s lap and snuggled there for a few hours… not sure who i’m more jealous of……

life hack 2: you can literally walk into any college class if you want to

life hack: if you’re at a pro sporting event you can just buy the cheapest ticket and sit wherever you want actually

you may lust for a cheeto and even the bodaciousness of a cheeto puff, but it will never compare to the genuine care and passion of a nacho cheese doritos chip…

i think my beachy new years could have only been better with my lover in town and to have been vehemently edible high

still chuckling to myself about:

moms raise boys, but girlfriends raise men