In my apartment listening to my city's fireworks display. It makes me feel anxious and I'm not even a dog or veteran. Must be terrible for them. My heart goes out to you dogs and vets.
July 5, 2025 at 1:18 AM
In my apartment listening to my city's fireworks display. It makes me feel anxious and I'm not even a dog or veteran. Must be terrible for them. My heart goes out to you dogs and vets.
I love it when an actor flips so hard their face changes.
July 3, 2025 at 3:18 AM
I love it when an actor flips so hard their face changes.
I unfollowed a couple friends on social media like two years ago because they liked a post from a problematic creator. I've forgiven one of them and they still follow me but I can't follow them now because they will know I unfollowed them in the first place. Society in 2025 is hard.
June 29, 2025 at 1:43 AM
I unfollowed a couple friends on social media like two years ago because they liked a post from a problematic creator. I've forgiven one of them and they still follow me but I can't follow them now because they will know I unfollowed them in the first place. Society in 2025 is hard.
It is criminal that Legoland and its various offshoots sell pizza, but it's not specifically brick oven pizza.
June 11, 2025 at 9:50 PM
It is criminal that Legoland and its various offshoots sell pizza, but it's not specifically brick oven pizza.
Texas lawmakers ban THC while their pockets are lined by alcohol companies. Meanwhile Texas leads the country in alcohol related deaths for adults and kids. Not to mention 48% of murder convicts drink before they kill.
Texas lawmakers care about getting money from alcohol companies, not safety.
Texas lawmakers care about getting money from alcohol companies, not safety.
May 29, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Texas lawmakers ban THC while their pockets are lined by alcohol companies. Meanwhile Texas leads the country in alcohol related deaths for adults and kids. Not to mention 48% of murder convicts drink before they kill.
Texas lawmakers care about getting money from alcohol companies, not safety.
Texas lawmakers care about getting money from alcohol companies, not safety.
People that don't leash their dogs while hiking are pieces of shit.
May 24, 2025 at 4:09 PM
People that don't leash their dogs while hiking are pieces of shit.
Whenever I do dishes my shirt ends up just as soaked as the one I'd wear to the water park when I was 14.
It's not that I don't wanna do my dishes, I just don't wanna kink shame my sink who likes to get filled and be called derogatory names.
I came up with both these jokes while washing dishes.
It's not that I don't wanna do my dishes, I just don't wanna kink shame my sink who likes to get filled and be called derogatory names.
I came up with both these jokes while washing dishes.
May 21, 2025 at 10:56 PM
Whenever I do dishes my shirt ends up just as soaked as the one I'd wear to the water park when I was 14.
It's not that I don't wanna do my dishes, I just don't wanna kink shame my sink who likes to get filled and be called derogatory names.
I came up with both these jokes while washing dishes.
It's not that I don't wanna do my dishes, I just don't wanna kink shame my sink who likes to get filled and be called derogatory names.
I came up with both these jokes while washing dishes.
I get such bad fomo smelling my neighbor grilling burgers.
April 29, 2025 at 11:44 PM
I get such bad fomo smelling my neighbor grilling burgers.
Watching The Studio and I heard a line, "I know him like the back of my own dick." and it got me thinking. What part of the dick is the back? Like yeah, front, top, bottom, left, right, those all make sense. But the back?
April 27, 2025 at 1:58 AM
Watching The Studio and I heard a line, "I know him like the back of my own dick." and it got me thinking. What part of the dick is the back? Like yeah, front, top, bottom, left, right, those all make sense. But the back?
Thousands of people witnessed the Phoenix Lights UFOs. Only a few hundred people witnessed Jesus after he "resurrected". Thousands of people are a more reliable witness than a few hundred. Therefore aliens exist and Jesus doesn't.
April 25, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Thousands of people witnessed the Phoenix Lights UFOs. Only a few hundred people witnessed Jesus after he "resurrected". Thousands of people are a more reliable witness than a few hundred. Therefore aliens exist and Jesus doesn't.
The people that post vintage thirst traps of their relatives on reddit are weird.
April 25, 2025 at 1:57 AM
The people that post vintage thirst traps of their relatives on reddit are weird.
It's not that I think people who speak other languages aren't funny, I just don't understand their humor.
April 24, 2025 at 3:06 PM
It's not that I think people who speak other languages aren't funny, I just don't understand their humor.
Bring a buncha different outfits to the gym and take all your gym mirror selfies for the week in one day. This way you only have to work out once but you can post like you're there every day.
April 19, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Bring a buncha different outfits to the gym and take all your gym mirror selfies for the week in one day. This way you only have to work out once but you can post like you're there every day.
The children love the McDonald's Minecraft commercial featuring the McDonaldland characters. As an avid fan of McDonaldland lore, right now is better than ever to bring them back in the spotlight. The kids would adore Mayor McCheese.
April 16, 2025 at 1:08 AM
The children love the McDonald's Minecraft commercial featuring the McDonaldland characters. As an avid fan of McDonaldland lore, right now is better than ever to bring them back in the spotlight. The kids would adore Mayor McCheese.
The recipe called for half a block of cream cheese but I added a whole block because I'm a bit of a culinary bad boy.
April 14, 2025 at 5:27 AM
The recipe called for half a block of cream cheese but I added a whole block because I'm a bit of a culinary bad boy.
Do something nice for yourself today, shampoo and condition your pubes.
April 12, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Do something nice for yourself today, shampoo and condition your pubes.
My bad gamer habit is after winning a match I type "gg ez" in chat even if it was gg difficult.
March 18, 2025 at 6:17 AM
My bad gamer habit is after winning a match I type "gg ez" in chat even if it was gg difficult.
When you're washing rice, does anyone else get the urge to drink the rice water or is it just me? I know it won't, but part of me thinks it would taste like rice pudding if I add a dash of cinnamon and sugar.
March 4, 2025 at 12:45 AM
When you're washing rice, does anyone else get the urge to drink the rice water or is it just me? I know it won't, but part of me thinks it would taste like rice pudding if I add a dash of cinnamon and sugar.
How come USPS delivers early when it's junk mail, but will deliver insanely late when you're actually expecting important mail?
February 20, 2025 at 10:46 PM
How come USPS delivers early when it's junk mail, but will deliver insanely late when you're actually expecting important mail?
Not sure if I've been listening to less emo music because I'm not depressed anymore, or if I'm not depressed anymore because I'm listening to less emo music.
February 15, 2025 at 2:11 AM
Not sure if I've been listening to less emo music because I'm not depressed anymore, or if I'm not depressed anymore because I'm listening to less emo music.
Heavy is the stomach that holds the fruit smoothie.
February 13, 2025 at 1:21 AM
Heavy is the stomach that holds the fruit smoothie.
There are two wolves inside me. One wants to own a replica Lord of the Rings sword. The other doesn't want to be a "sword guy" kinda nerd.
February 10, 2025 at 4:42 AM
There are two wolves inside me. One wants to own a replica Lord of the Rings sword. The other doesn't want to be a "sword guy" kinda nerd.
Accidentally swiped right on someone on a dating app because I thought their profile said, "anime lover" but it actually said, "animal lover".
February 9, 2025 at 9:24 PM
Accidentally swiped right on someone on a dating app because I thought their profile said, "anime lover" but it actually said, "animal lover".
What are Better Cheddars snack crackers supposed to be better than? Cause it sure as heck isn't Cheez Its.
February 8, 2025 at 2:20 AM
What are Better Cheddars snack crackers supposed to be better than? Cause it sure as heck isn't Cheez Its.
I love conservative Christians that claim trans people are mentally ill. Like bro, you worship an invisible man in the sky, you have no grounds to be calling anyone mentally ill.
February 1, 2025 at 9:06 PM
I love conservative Christians that claim trans people are mentally ill. Like bro, you worship an invisible man in the sky, you have no grounds to be calling anyone mentally ill.