Even though the future feels really uncertain, especially regarding my career and game development, I don't lose hope.

At the start of 2026, I am hoping for new opportunities. I know I should reapply for work, but even opening LinkedIn fills me with anxiety. I plan to seek a proper diagnosis just in case I am completely off. I’m also wondering if game dev could actually lead to something.

Many things started to make sense; kind of; the social awkwardness, the obsessions with music and games, and several other patterns that don't come to my mind right now. I’ve started trying to be more mindful of what I am aligned with.

After that, I began retaking online screening tests for autism. While not a formal diagnosis, every test pointed toward the spectrum. I thought of that because I have family members who are autistic and always felt like something was off with me.

I blamed myself for not being resilient enough or that I should have gotten my act together sooner. I felt guilty for the breakdowns and for being unable to control my emotions. I always felt like I was putting on a show.

The lack of communication and clear instructions at this new role broke me. I wasn't productive at all, I couldn't get anything done correctly and was eventually fired.

However, 10 months later, I experienced my first emotional breakdown, quit, and found a new role. The manager there was really toxic, so I quit again; yikes; then landed another job. That’s when the cracks really started to appear.

But finding something I enjoy makes it really challenging to go back to my old career, and the dread of reapplying for jobs in a sector where I don't fit is exhausting. In 2024, I got my master's in marketing and got a job right away. It seemed like the perfect plan.

It all started with wanting to make pixel art, because that is the only medium my computer could handle, and reopening my itch.io account. Then everything went on from there. And honestly, I love it.