Kristi Noem's Rolex
@kristinoemsrolex.bsky.social
Every Rolex tells a story. Here's mine: it all started when a psychotic dog killer with too much filler thought she could wear me to a torture prison. And now I'm here, distressed and in search of a dry martini.
How did she even afford me, anyway?
How did she even afford me, anyway?
Pinned
I preferred it when I was sponsoring yacht races and not gulags
Particularly in light of what’s going on in Georgia right now, they must do this:
January 29, 2026 at 3:14 PM
Particularly in light of what’s going on in Georgia right now, they must do this:
Has anyone gotten to the bottom of the government contract awarded to an opaque LLC associated with one of her top aides? Just wondering.
Kristi Noem: "Everything I've done, I've done at the direction of the president and Stephen"
January 29, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Has anyone gotten to the bottom of the government contract awarded to an opaque LLC associated with one of her top aides? Just wondering.
UNACCEPTABLE
We are now 40 days beyond the statutory deadline for the full release of the Epstein files
January 29, 2026 at 3:11 PM
UNACCEPTABLE
New laws after we win
1) Enhanced financial disclosures for all presidential advisors, cabinet officials, and senate confirmed positions
2) YOU WILL GIVE UP YOUR PEANUT FARM LIKE JIMMY CARTER AND YOUR KID’S OLIGARCH HUSBAND WILL STAY AWAY FROM GAZA
1) Enhanced financial disclosures for all presidential advisors, cabinet officials, and senate confirmed positions
2) YOU WILL GIVE UP YOUR PEANUT FARM LIKE JIMMY CARTER AND YOUR KID’S OLIGARCH HUSBAND WILL STAY AWAY FROM GAZA
January 29, 2026 at 3:10 PM
New laws after we win
1) Enhanced financial disclosures for all presidential advisors, cabinet officials, and senate confirmed positions
2) YOU WILL GIVE UP YOUR PEANUT FARM LIKE JIMMY CARTER AND YOUR KID’S OLIGARCH HUSBAND WILL STAY AWAY FROM GAZA
1) Enhanced financial disclosures for all presidential advisors, cabinet officials, and senate confirmed positions
2) YOU WILL GIVE UP YOUR PEANUT FARM LIKE JIMMY CARTER AND YOUR KID’S OLIGARCH HUSBAND WILL STAY AWAY FROM GAZA
I had a VIVID dream that it happened last night, everyone. For some yet to be revealed reason, I was at my elementary school.
January 29, 2026 at 3:07 PM
I had a VIVID dream that it happened last night, everyone. For some yet to be revealed reason, I was at my elementary school.
Fire Noem
Fire Miller
Where’d they get
their watches from
probably a bribe from
The ultimate sinner
- a poem, by me
Fire Miller
Where’d they get
their watches from
probably a bribe from
The ultimate sinner
- a poem, by me
January 29, 2026 at 3:06 PM
Fire Noem
Fire Miller
Where’d they get
their watches from
probably a bribe from
The ultimate sinner
- a poem, by me
Fire Miller
Where’d they get
their watches from
probably a bribe from
The ultimate sinner
- a poem, by me
Fire Kristi Noem
The Guardian reports that a 2 year-old girl was arrested by Ice with her father, put in detention & then flown to Texas before federal officials forced them to release the girl to her mom. This madness must stop. @kristinoemsrolex.bsky.social @dhsgov.govmirrors.com @presidenttrumpwon.bsky.social
January 29, 2026 at 3:05 PM
Fire Kristi Noem
Impeach her for the excessive injectables alone
Also for the murder
And for Trigger
And also for me
Also for the murder
And for Trigger
And also for me
January 8, 2026 at 11:30 PM
Impeach her for the excessive injectables alone
Also for the murder
And for Trigger
And also for me
Also for the murder
And for Trigger
And also for me
As a Rolex, I’ve been on a lot of luxury private jets in my life. But I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t be on a gulfstream with a government cabinet secretary. I have questions, Kristi.
October 19, 2025 at 12:36 PM
As a Rolex, I’ve been on a lot of luxury private jets in my life. But I’m thinking I probably shouldn’t be on a gulfstream with a government cabinet secretary. I have questions, Kristi.
Envisioning myself at the No Kings protest tomorrow doing some serious wiggling to the Taylor Swift Backstreet Boys Elizabeth Taylor mashup
ATTEND YOUR LOCAL PROTEST AND DANCE YOUR HEART OUT AMERICA
ATTEND YOUR LOCAL PROTEST AND DANCE YOUR HEART OUT AMERICA
October 18, 2025 at 4:34 AM
Envisioning myself at the No Kings protest tomorrow doing some serious wiggling to the Taylor Swift Backstreet Boys Elizabeth Taylor mashup
ATTEND YOUR LOCAL PROTEST AND DANCE YOUR HEART OUT AMERICA
ATTEND YOUR LOCAL PROTEST AND DANCE YOUR HEART OUT AMERICA
Reposted by Kristi Noem's Rolex
Airports around the country are refusing to play Kristi Noem’s fake news video blaming the Democrats for delayed flights & air traffic controller shortages. I understand it’s a violation of the Hatch Act. @kristinoemsrolex.bsky.social
@thedemocratsmv.bsky.social @presidenttrumpwon.bsky.social
@thedemocratsmv.bsky.social @presidenttrumpwon.bsky.social
October 13, 2025 at 6:35 PM
Airports around the country are refusing to play Kristi Noem’s fake news video blaming the Democrats for delayed flights & air traffic controller shortages. I understand it’s a violation of the Hatch Act. @kristinoemsrolex.bsky.social
@thedemocratsmv.bsky.social @presidenttrumpwon.bsky.social
@thedemocratsmv.bsky.social @presidenttrumpwon.bsky.social
Reposted by Kristi Noem's Rolex
Reposting because this is still unfortunately applicable and I yearn to be free.
How do I get to the multiverse timeline where I am on the wrist of Daniel Craig and not the Homeland Security dog killer lady's?
July 15, 2025 at 3:31 AM
Reposting because this is still unfortunately applicable and I yearn to be free.
As a watch, I appreciate science and engineering. So, to the good people of NASA & NOAA: you are all gentlemen, ladies, scholars, and a gift to this world. Do not let our government of cavemen tell you otherwise. You were born to do great things. Your work is important. Do not give up.
July 15, 2025 at 3:29 AM
As a watch, I appreciate science and engineering. So, to the good people of NASA & NOAA: you are all gentlemen, ladies, scholars, and a gift to this world. Do not let our government of cavemen tell you otherwise. You were born to do great things. Your work is important. Do not give up.
No one, and I mean no one, is less surprised than me.
👇 Our reporters uncovered the payment at the center of this story with the help of our own Nonprofit Explorer tool — and its handy filing text search option.
Researchers and journalists, check it out below.
Researchers and journalists, check it out below.
June 30, 2025 at 5:58 PM
No one, and I mean no one, is less surprised than me.
Reposted by Kristi Noem's Rolex
Let’s be absolutely clear. This decision, based on fringe conspiracy theories, will kill children.
www.washingtonpost.com/health/2025/...
www.washingtonpost.com/health/2025/...
RFK Jr. says U.S. will stop funding global vaccine alliance Gavi
Gavi works to expand access to vaccines for children in some of the world’s poorest countries. Health experts say the move could have deadly consequences.
www.washingtonpost.com
June 27, 2025 at 12:27 AM
Let’s be absolutely clear. This decision, based on fringe conspiracy theories, will kill children.
www.washingtonpost.com/health/2025/...
www.washingtonpost.com/health/2025/...
BREAKING NEWS: I'M (SHE'S) IN THE HOSPITAL
June 17, 2025 at 9:43 PM
BREAKING NEWS: I'M (SHE'S) IN THE HOSPITAL
Let me be very clear: ffuuuuuuucckkk this
Noem says the Department of Homeland Security is “not going away” and that it will “liberate” Los Angeles from its democratically elected mayor and governor.
The fascism is getting more brazen by day.
The fascism is getting more brazen by day.
June 12, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Let me be very clear: ffuuuuuuucckkk this
Reposted by Kristi Noem's Rolex
Welcome to 2025 where I’m on Mitch McConnell’s side in any moment of my existence
McCONNELL: Do you want Ukraine or Russia to win?
HEGSETH: As we've said time and time again, this president is committed to peace in that conflict
HEGSETH: As we've said time and time again, this president is committed to peace in that conflict
June 11, 2025 at 3:23 PM
Welcome to 2025 where I’m on Mitch McConnell’s side in any moment of my existence
I do not like 2025.
May 1, 2025 at 9:59 PM
I do not like 2025.
Wanna get MARRRIED and run away (from Kristi Noem’s wrist) oooooooohhhhhhh
I am a 90’s and early 2000’s alt rock Rolex at heart. I feel it’s important you know this about me, particularly since we may be at the end times, according to my self-winding watch movement.
I am a 90’s and early 2000’s alt rock Rolex at heart. I feel it’s important you know this about me, particularly since we may be at the end times, according to my self-winding watch movement.
April 29, 2025 at 3:27 AM
Wanna get MARRRIED and run away (from Kristi Noem’s wrist) oooooooohhhhhhh
I am a 90’s and early 2000’s alt rock Rolex at heart. I feel it’s important you know this about me, particularly since we may be at the end times, according to my self-winding watch movement.
I am a 90’s and early 2000’s alt rock Rolex at heart. I feel it’s important you know this about me, particularly since we may be at the end times, according to my self-winding watch movement.
I would like to become a Canadian Rolex. Take me to your leader.
April 29, 2025 at 3:21 AM
I would like to become a Canadian Rolex. Take me to your leader.
I'm kind of thinking ICE needs to be completely shuttered? Ideally immediately.
April 27, 2025 at 1:13 PM
I'm kind of thinking ICE needs to be completely shuttered? Ideally immediately.