like every single person i've ever known whose attempted to take their life has come to some realization that made life worth living, if i met my teenage self i could not tell him things ever get better, no highs in my adult life have ever made any of this worth it

there would be something tragic and noble if i had actually succeeded with my suicide plans a decade ago, now it's just pathetic that im still here and havent changed a bit

im not just full of hate, im still watching things that spark joy, i really have to vocally remind myself of this sometimes