i'm not even interesting i'm just boring as fuck and so much of my stuff is trauma or stupid mental illness related that i mask so hard

and i try to mask less but what does it matter really....

*anyway* i had my peak and didn't [redacted]

and at the same time i'm kind of like who cares really, i try to keep myself intact out of a sense of duty i guess towards professional mental health care providers trying to help me but otherwise i think i'm cooked, no potential no possibilities

the body being a result of bad genes and then of course abuse stress, anorexia, nearly dying multiple times etc it's like okay

one or the other would have been great although i would have preferred my super mentally ill over super not functioning body with a disastrous amount of fatigue

i just want to feel important to other people too but it's hard when you're always surrounded by people who are popular and have a trillion friends and actually have people in their lives and i'm just....nothing.

outside of like therapy etc, i do well with a singular "fun" goal to generally focus on, a project so to speak

anyway not the first thing i've hate watched or hate read for a sub plot and tbf increased depression can make me very....it kind of puts me in i hate a lot of stuff mode

oh and i caught up with the latest ffxiv so i'm extra deflated since it's been a goal of mine for such a long time

also ranma is like the best person constantly beset upon by all these assholes on top of keeping ryoga's secret

right?? i feel so bad for him! fortunately a few episodes later it only took him a week or so to get to the ice skating rink but it was funny when he went (paraphrasing) "it took me a week to get here i didn't practice at all"

oh no, the long hair to short hair trope