some of the stuff i told her but i'm really not ??? like... i went kinda hard and she told me it was alright

but it kinda feels weird, thinking i'd normally feel bad after saying that shit to someone, but im not ?????

'tis fucked realizing you *can* be sadistic, but it's even more fucked when you realize you *actively* enjoy being a sadist

like 99% of the time I'm a good girl but apparently i can dom my partners until they cry? by just berating them verbally??? and i feel i should feel guilty about+

then again, i kinda wanna think of myself as the one that can give them what they need so they have to indeed come to me for it

is that fucked up ? its dependent as hell. is it fucked up ?

my toxic trait is i feel im the only one that can give it the treatment it wants and deserves- bc as much as i hate to admit it im indeed an actual sadist and won't hesitate to hurt -but when its time to deal the cards i care about my toys safety, so i know when shes had enough or needs a lil rest

like, you wouldnt imagine...
i get to reading practical guides and they're full of "be careful, you can cause harm even with the proper technique" and i think about it being with someone careless and i just get so angry i want to p[REDACTED] and give her a warm shower after

if you told me two years ago i'll end up as a selfish greedy sadist i would probably have either laughed at u or gotten kind of scared

i kinda had an idea beforehand but like syd teased me w some watersports things and i did *not* at all think i would be so into it hebfhdbd
please play rougher with me, the both of u, pls pls plsplsplspls

realised how utterly gross i can be if pushed right and it feels really good

like. i wanna pick them up from the bus station, i cant brutalize it in public over there, so its gonna have to ride shotgun until there's time to switch around, i'd have to find a secluded-yet-close place to get her our of the passenger seat and under my boots, but those places are uber-rare here

i wasnt baiting for it intentionally but fuck it. after the response i got imma start doing it on purpose to see who to bully