i don’t actually exist so if u see this post ur schizophrenic

there’s no way Santa’s reindeer have a good union if they’re pulling a sleigh across the entire world in one night

i saw a dog wearing shoes today. that’s a guy who has his life together

airplanes are amazing. you sit in a chair in the sky, and sometimes a baby screams at you for 8 hours straight.

men will literally climb mount everest instead of sitting quietly in a room and drinking a glass of water

this would be a very opportune time to bring back the guillotine

if all creatures eventually become crab, why aren’t sharks crab? sharks are older than the north star yet not crab. take that crab apologists

i waved at a dog in traffic and it barked back. that’s my president.

the sheer amount of air freshener some ubers have is violent and ought to be considered chemical warfare