Kevin Sciretta
@kevinsciretta.bsky.social
Writer - Improviser - Voice Actor
MST3K - Improvised Shakespeare - Hello From The Magic Tavern The Secret Ward of Chicago on Substack
thesecretward.substack.com
MST3K - Improvised Shakespeare - Hello From The Magic Tavern The Secret Ward of Chicago on Substack
thesecretward.substack.com
I know for a fact that I would be a much worse person if I had gone to a D1 school.
November 22, 2025 at 8:30 PM
I know for a fact that I would be a much worse person if I had gone to a D1 school.
There's no place near me to get coffee but there are three martial arts schools. Someone do something with this information.
November 22, 2025 at 7:00 PM
There's no place near me to get coffee but there are three martial arts schools. Someone do something with this information.
NYT: No way anyone beats "Are Women Ruining the Workplace?" for weirdest headline. We got this in the bag.
Chicago Tribune:
Chicago Tribune:
The Kid Whisperer: How to make your kids cry
The Kid Whisperer: How to make your kids cry
Kid Whisperer goes on living his life without giving any attention to the crying.
trib.al
November 8, 2025 at 5:40 PM
NYT: No way anyone beats "Are Women Ruining the Workplace?" for weirdest headline. We got this in the bag.
Chicago Tribune:
Chicago Tribune:
Eric Adams somewhere sitting behind a bottle of Ace of Spades with a sparkler in it, smiling like Art the Clown, for old-time sake.
November 5, 2025 at 4:37 AM
Eric Adams somewhere sitting behind a bottle of Ace of Spades with a sparkler in it, smiling like Art the Clown, for old-time sake.
Internet, you're assignment is to take the the footage of the Cuomo party and put sadder and sadder music/sound effects over it.
November 5, 2025 at 4:12 AM
Internet, you're assignment is to take the the footage of the Cuomo party and put sadder and sadder music/sound effects over it.
I had a corned beef on rye and a Doc Brown's for lunch today and it was excellent. Should have known it was in the bag then.
November 5, 2025 at 3:13 AM
I had a corned beef on rye and a Doc Brown's for lunch today and it was excellent. Should have known it was in the bag then.
Reposted by Kevin Sciretta
New York Post headline writer in shambles right now.
November 5, 2025 at 2:59 AM
New York Post headline writer in shambles right now.
Reposted by Kevin Sciretta
food banks can often get more food with your dollar than you can, so as good as food drives can feel, giving food banks money is so much more impactful!! once again bringing up the Friendship Center who could sorely use the help: friendshipcenterchicago.org
Friendship Center Chicago
The Friendship Center fosters hope and dignity in Chicago’s northwest side communities through access to food and vital resources.
friendshipcenterchicago.org
October 22, 2025 at 1:02 PM
food banks can often get more food with your dollar than you can, so as good as food drives can feel, giving food banks money is so much more impactful!! once again bringing up the Friendship Center who could sorely use the help: friendshipcenterchicago.org
And in all that time absolutely nothing has gone wrong.
The Chicago Blackhawks have been a professional hockey franchise for 100 years. Since 1950, one family has been front and center with the team.
Danny Wirtz takes pride in Chicago Blackhawks’ storied past — and father Rocky’s influence — in 100th season
Danny Wirtz has settled into his role as Chicago Blackhawks chairman and CEO. Wirtz wants to be himself, but his father Rocky’s influence looms large.
trib.al
October 18, 2025 at 1:08 AM
And in all that time absolutely nothing has gone wrong.
Reposted by Kevin Sciretta
hey! it is my birthday today and it would be really cool if yall could donate to the friendship center: they’re a food bank primarily serving the north side of Chicago, including lincoln square, ravenswood and albany park. and they have a pet food pantry! friendshipcenterchicago.org
Friendship Center Chicago
The Friendship Center fosters hope and dignity in Chicago’s northwest side communities through access to food and vital resources.
friendshipcenterchicago.org
October 8, 2025 at 2:42 PM
hey! it is my birthday today and it would be really cool if yall could donate to the friendship center: they’re a food bank primarily serving the north side of Chicago, including lincoln square, ravenswood and albany park. and they have a pet food pantry! friendshipcenterchicago.org
It's this time of year that I'm reminded that Raul Julia and Angelica Huston should have won 18 Oscars each for The Addams Family.
September 28, 2025 at 8:47 PM
It's this time of year that I'm reminded that Raul Julia and Angelica Huston should have won 18 Oscars each for The Addams Family.
When you throw an absolute murderball of joke over the middle with an acquaintance but it lands
a ravens fan holds a football in front of a crowd
ALT: a ravens fan holds a football in front of a crowd
media.tenor.com
September 24, 2025 at 11:26 PM
When you throw an absolute murderball of joke over the middle with an acquaintance but it lands
Update: Son of bitch if they didn't agree to fix the problem.
Bold gambit putting Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" as your hold music, appliance service company.
September 22, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Update: Son of bitch if they didn't agree to fix the problem.
Bold gambit putting Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" as your hold music, appliance service company.
September 22, 2025 at 5:30 PM
Bold gambit putting Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" as your hold music, appliance service company.
Seriously every year a video of someone jumping in the river on Saint Patrick's Day comes out and we all post saying "RIP to this man" and replying with a gif of the guy melting from toxic sludge in Robocop. If we are safely swimming 5 feet of it? Anything is possible: positive category.
Buddy if we're swimmin' in this bitch then anything is possible.
On Sunday morning, some of the first people to swim in the Chicago River again after almost a century helped raise $100,000 for research into ALS, a fatal neurological disorder known also as Lou Gehrig’s disease.
September 21, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Seriously every year a video of someone jumping in the river on Saint Patrick's Day comes out and we all post saying "RIP to this man" and replying with a gif of the guy melting from toxic sludge in Robocop. If we are safely swimming 5 feet of it? Anything is possible: positive category.
Buddy if we're swimmin' in this bitch then anything is possible.
On Sunday morning, some of the first people to swim in the Chicago River again after almost a century helped raise $100,000 for research into ALS, a fatal neurological disorder known also as Lou Gehrig’s disease.
Swimmers compete in first official Chicago River race in nearly a century
The river swim Sunday morning raised money for ALS and celebrated the river’s recovery from its polluted past.
www.chicagotribune.com
September 21, 2025 at 10:21 PM
Buddy if we're swimmin' in this bitch then anything is possible.
Bears score first.
a man in a black jacket says " oh yeah "
ALT: a man in a black jacket says " oh yeah "
media.tenor.com
September 21, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Bears score first.
Took me three goddamn days to remember that the movie where Christopher Walken played an archangel was The Prophecy but I did it.
September 13, 2025 at 5:59 PM
Took me three goddamn days to remember that the movie where Christopher Walken played an archangel was The Prophecy but I did it.
No city's teams deploy The Past to distract from The Present quicker than Chicago, even if The Past is less than A Decade.
Anthony Rizzo will retire as a Chicago Cub and join the organization as a team ambassador, the team announced Wednesday.
Column: Anthony Rizzo — ‘everybody’s go-to guy’ — returns to the Chicago Cubs family
Anthony Rizzo, one of the stars of the 2016 championship team, will retire as a Chicago Cub.
trib.al
September 10, 2025 at 6:14 PM
No city's teams deploy The Past to distract from The Present quicker than Chicago, even if The Past is less than A Decade.
Finally happened. Finally got a recipe online with Too Much Exposition.
September 10, 2025 at 12:42 AM
Finally happened. Finally got a recipe online with Too Much Exposition.
Chicago sports are being held hostage by the most grey-brained, uninspired executive class imaginable. These people think tap water is spicy.
NEWS: Josh Giddey and the Bulls have agreed to a four-year, $100 million contract, a source tells The Athletic's @jxlorenzi.bsky.social & @samamick.bsky.social.
The deal comes after a prolonged standoff between the team and the restricted free agent forward.
Read: www.nytimes.com/athletic/653...
The deal comes after a prolonged standoff between the team and the restricted free agent forward.
Read: www.nytimes.com/athletic/653...
September 9, 2025 at 11:04 PM
Chicago sports are being held hostage by the most grey-brained, uninspired executive class imaginable. These people think tap water is spicy.
I hate The Chicago Bears the way you hate a friend's toxic family member or careless significant other. The one you had to ban from your house for being weird and drinking the wine you were saving for a special occasion and then breaking an appliance.
That's how I'm looking at them from now on.
That's how I'm looking at them from now on.
At long last I name The Chicago Bears as Enemy. I don't like what they do to my friends, I don't like what they do to the city and I hate how much oxygen they take up.
Eternal Disdain upon them.
Eternal Disdain upon them.
September 9, 2025 at 6:54 PM
I hate The Chicago Bears the way you hate a friend's toxic family member or careless significant other. The one you had to ban from your house for being weird and drinking the wine you were saving for a special occasion and then breaking an appliance.
That's how I'm looking at them from now on.
That's how I'm looking at them from now on.
At long last I name The Chicago Bears as Enemy. I don't like what they do to my friends, I don't like what they do to the city and I hate how much oxygen they take up.
Eternal Disdain upon them.
Eternal Disdain upon them.
September 9, 2025 at 6:52 PM
At long last I name The Chicago Bears as Enemy. I don't like what they do to my friends, I don't like what they do to the city and I hate how much oxygen they take up.
Eternal Disdain upon them.
Eternal Disdain upon them.
Go Bears to all who celebrate, Chicago. May your Caleb Williams and your Ben Johnson, and all your fears be mist.
Good luck out there.
Good luck out there.
September 9, 2025 at 12:15 AM
Go Bears to all who celebrate, Chicago. May your Caleb Williams and your Ben Johnson, and all your fears be mist.
Good luck out there.
Good luck out there.