The state of US healthcare is actually dystopian but it’s not an interesting dystopia like in a novel. It’s a really stupid dystopia where the beneficiaries of the system write the laws and just fuck the most desperate people (because it’s healthcare) mercilessly so that they can have more money

I think it's pretty universally understood that money corrupts humans with incredible efficiency. So naturally, the USA has elected a billionaire as its leader. And not just any billionaire, but the dumbest one

Dam

We always hear about how many calories the brain and other boring organs need. I want to know how many calories it takes for a sphincter to remain clenched all day. What is the caloric requirement to not shit yourself

When it comes to martinis, you need to add more dry to make a wet

An exhibit at the Mattress Factory that is a team of people making mattresses, entitled “Art Museum”

A tall person who dresses in a trench coat and buys a ticket to a rated R film, then comes back and tells the cashier that they really fell for it, that the tall person is actually three children inside a trench coat. 1/3

Wearing a hoodie with the hood up but you tuck it behind your ears and look silly but you don't care because you're confident