Ken Cheng
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kenchengceo.bsky.social
Ken Cheng
@kenchengceo.bsky.social
4.8K followers 230 following 110 posts
CEO, the biggest brain on LinkedIn

Contestant on ITV's #GeniusGame

https://linktr.ee/kencheng
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kenchengceo.bsky.social
The uterus of the mind

#lutealphase #menstruationmatters #linkedin
I too have a luteal phase. Yes, I am a man. No, I do not menstruate. Confused? My luteal phase is for the womb of the mind. Instead of babies I give birth to ideas and companies. Every month my body thickens the uterine lining of the brain. It's preparing for creation. And it's more tiring than childbirth. That's why I don't believe in maternity leave. Because I'm being Mother 24/7. And it's empowering as hell. It's time for male CEOs to go luteal. Who's with me?
October 1, 2025 at 4:44 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
thank god there is one fewer qualified nurse on our streets
September 27, 2025 at 12:19 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
please, think about the damage you might cause before sending an invoice
It's time to talk about something very personal. Receiving an invoice from a freelancer is very triggering. There, I said it. The thought of money leaving my account gives me distress. That's why it can take me 6, 10, sometimes even 15 months to transfer it. There is nothing more anxiety inducing than having to pay someone for a job they've done for you. I once received an invoice from my gardener and immediately threw my phone into the ocean. It's debilitating. I wish I could pay people on time, but my emotions won't let me. So please, if you are upset, just remember the person on the other end refusing to pay you is also a human. And they're going through a lot.
September 19, 2025 at 9:24 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
would you still work for me if I were a worm?
I only ask one question in job interviews. "Would you still work for me if I were a worm?" If they say yes, I make them prove it. I go to my closet and get my human-sized worm costume. The candidate watches me crawl inside it. I lie on the floor below their chair, gently moving my tail from side to side. I stare up at them in silence, waiting for them to speak while wriggling. This usually lasts 15-20 minutes until they get freaked out and leave. If a candidate says no, I hire them immediately. You're an idiot if you would work for a worm. They can't speak or run a business. You should only work for human bosses.
September 15, 2025 at 10:45 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
sorry but tabby katsparov is inherently funny
I sold my cat and made a small profit. I bought my cat years ago for £60. His name was Tabby Catsparov. I grew to love the cat. One day, an acquaintance said they wanted my cat. She offered £90 for it. I took it instantly. 50% ROI is very rare in any business, even rarer on a cat. That night, I had a dream where Tabby Catsparov was talking to me. "Only £90? I thought you loved me." He guilt tripped me into selling him for such a low price. I knew I made a mistake. I went over to Beth's house and pleaded she'd give it back and I return the £90. Eventually, she relented. Phew. I took Tabby home and sold him online for £300. That night, I had another dream where Tabby was happy for me. "That's much better," he meowed. I could sleep guilt free knowing that I managed to get the best price.
September 9, 2025 at 3:59 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
Piotr Szczerek did nothing wrong
September 4, 2025 at 11:39 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
An important lesson for when you are given two cakes
It was Deborah's 60th birthday at the office today. Such a milestone that I decided to bake a chocolate cake. Little did I know that Alan had also made a chocolate cake. When both cakes were presented, everyone seemed to think his was superior. They kept commenting how delicious his cake looked and how if this were a bakery he'd be the boss, not me. These comments kept going on and were hugely inappropriate. I had to do something. I cranked up the thermostat several degrees so both cakes began melting. By the time we were about to serve them, they were both destroyed. Had they not said anything, they would still have two equally delicious cakes. Let that be a lesson: if you have two cakes, don't compare them. You'll end up with none.
September 3, 2025 at 8:28 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
Linkedin removed this post lol
August 25, 2025 at 4:10 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
Didn't know they added #GeniusGame to Disney+
August 19, 2025 at 8:56 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
A radiologist called me yesterday. I was prepared for the worst
A radiologist called me yesterday. It sounded serious. They said they spotted an anomaly on my x-rays. I was prepared for the worst. They found a strange shape and the word "Quantamonster." That's the company logo of my new startup. Years ago I asked a surgeon to engrave it onto my patella. Now, every time I go for an X-ray, the radiologist sees it, gets intrigued. If they search it, they'll find that we've just opened a new seed round. They sign up. Some say to raise investor money you have to think outside the box. I say you need to think inside the body. Venture capitalism is in my bones.
August 6, 2025 at 9:29 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
I am expired ramen
I listed a packet of ramen on FB Marketplace. It was expired by 3 years 5 months. It sold instantly. Guess it's listing price. £700. How? Because no one else is selling expired ramen on there. That's called a gap in the market. Anything can be turned into a product - you just have to start selling it. A good businessman listens to demand. A great businessman creates it. It's the same with my LinkedIn. Nobody else is offering wisdom like me, and that's why it works. My LinkedIn is expired ramen.
August 4, 2025 at 10:54 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
I said it.
I just sent a template rejection e-mail to 56 job applicants. They could see it was one mass email because I didn't hide their addresses. I did this on purpose. BCC is for cowards. Let's stop pretending that every single applicant is unique and special. You are all drones who didn't stand out. You are the sperm who didn't make it. You are nothing to me. One generic email is all you deserve. For me, it's merely a matter of efficiency. And efficiency doesn't care about your feelings. Better luck next time, [Applicant Name]
July 29, 2025 at 10:27 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
I'm sorry but kisscams have got to go
I'm sorry to be the first to say it but: Ban all kisscams. They are intrusive. They are done without consent. And above all, they are ruining a CEO's fundamental right to take their head of HR to a public concert and embrace them in their arms. There is nothing wrong with that. I embrace my employees all the time and it is not sexual or romantic, especially the hotter female ones. I should be able to do that without judgement in public at, say, a baseball game or a beach hotel in the Bahamas. Enter the kisscam - the enemy of private staff bonding. Would you follow a CEO and his employee into their own homes and watch their private interactions? No. Do not watch this kisscam. Do not comment on this kisscam. Do not file for divorce just because of a kisscam. What happens on a kisscam is not canon. Ban all kisscams.
July 18, 2025 at 10:53 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
You can now watch these great #GeniusGame contestants play the game Skull!

Head on over to my Youtube channel to watch all the carnage and beef
July 17, 2025 at 4:36 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
IS IT OK TO CRITICISE A CANDIDATE'S HAIR
IS IT OK TO CRITICISE A CANDIDATE'S HAIR? I interviewed a great candidate the other day, but they weren't the right fit. At the end, they asked us for feedback. I said it was his side parting. "Is that a business term?" "No, I mean your hair. It's atrocious." He was taken aback. "Why does that matter?" I explained. "Listen, I have to look at your hair every day, and it would genuinely affect my job performance, and sink the company. Your hairstyle is so ugly it could cost us millions of pounds." When I asked him if he would style it differently, he was outraged and left. Here's the thing: there was absolutely nothing wrong with his hair. I actually quite liked it. However, if somebody won't change their hairstyle to work for you, that's a bad sign. Like God testing Abraham, I was testing this man. He failed.
July 3, 2025 at 12:24 PM
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This is tonight!

The #geniusgame cast are taking on Blood on the Clocktower, joined by some of my favourite players!

And it's all for charity!

Go to my YouTube to watch!
June 24, 2025 at 11:18 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
You miss 100% of the impromptu Haribo auctions you don't take
The restaurant I went to was horrifically understaffed. Several tables had been waiting over an hour to order. In my bag I had a 3kg tub of Haribo. I opened up and could see the starving customers eyes light up. I capitalised. "I'm willing to give away my Haribo...to the highest bidder." I began auctioning off the sweets. The restaurant went nuts. Bids shot sky high for each piece. A cola bottle went for £35. A tangfastic - £65. Most people would just see an annoying situation. I saw a gap in the market. I didn't even care about the profit. I did it for one thing: It was to see the smiles on their faces, when I sold them single pieces of Haribo at a high premium. Kids and grown ups love it so...the invisible hand of the free market.
June 17, 2025 at 9:40 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
An employee had a panic attack this week. Good. Panic attacks show they care. It shows they're invested in their work. Would you rather have an employee who is always calm and nonchalant? That means they're coasting. No mental breakdowns = quiet quitting. Obviously having too many would be bad. But one or two a year? That's the sweet spot. A doctor recommended Daniel take 3 weeks off because the job is so stressful. That made me smile. It shows he was willing to put working for me before his own physical and mental health. If your employee has good health, that's a red flag.
June 9, 2025 at 2:53 PM
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Take me back to the #geniusgame atrium
June 9, 2025 at 1:22 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
My house was swarming with ants, you won't believe what happened next
My house became infested with ants. Hundreds of them crawling everywhere, all drawn to one item. What item was it? Why, it was my book on entrepreneurship. Very strange. I decided to conduct an experiment. I laid out three items: my book, a bait station and a massive heap of sugar. They still swarmed around my book. Peculiar. Weeks go by and I bring in an entomologist, who finds the ant's nest. She gasps. She points out the ants are using a system of hierarchy never seen before in insects, only humans. It's the exact corporate structure I laid out in my book. Wow. No wonder the ants loved my book so much. They were learning. I have taught ants how to business. I knew my wisdom transcended race, class, age and gender, but now it has transcended ants.
May 28, 2025 at 9:34 AM
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#GeniusGame episode 6 tonight! 9pm on ITV
May 28, 2025 at 9:20 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
There is absolutely nothing out of the ordinary about this
An employee found me lifeless in my office during lunch. I had no pulse, no heartbeat and was completely still. She freaked out when I shot awake and grabbed her hand. This was completely normal for me. Years ago, I learned to completely stop my own heart. It's a trick I learned from a Shaolin Monk. I now do it everyday at lunch for the entire hour. Why? Every second you're not working, you need to conserve your energy. There's no point doing anything when you're not on the clock. Lazy leaders have "downtime". Great leaders become medically dead.
May 23, 2025 at 5:18 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
In order to end child hunger sometimes you have to create it
I accidentally forgot to feed my young child. My 5 year old son went without dinner the other day. I was scrolling LinkedIn for 6 hours in the evening and ignored his cries. In fairness, LinkedIn influencers are trained to grab my attention using clickbait. He is not. That's when it clicked for him - he needed to up his game. He needed to use clickbait. Instead of saying "I'm hungry father", he sent me messages like: "Here's 4 Damning Reasons You Should Feed Me Right Now" "10 More Minutes Without Dinner, And The Worst Catastrophe Could Take Place" "This Poor Child Went Unfed, You Won't Believe What Happened Next" It worked. I never neglected him again. Sometimes, starving your infant child can be a good thing if he gains some transferable skills. He's now ready for the modern world.
May 19, 2025 at 11:44 AM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
If you don't show people what success looks like, they will always seek failure
I was sitting on the train next to a child reading "Where's Waldo". He was painfully slow, taking a good 7-8 minutes to find Waldo. This is where I come in. I started pointing out Waldo after 2-3 minutes on each page. The mother yelled at me. "What are you doing?!" I ignored her. My interaction with her 8 year old child was none of her business. The child started getting stressed with each new page. I was crushing him. The mother was getting upset and crying. I said wait. Suddenly, on the last page, the kid found Waldo first. His time? 90 seconds. Pressure and competition from an unknown adult man is necessary for your children. If you don't show people what success looks like, they will always seek failure.
May 15, 2025 at 1:49 PM
kenchengceo.bsky.social
I spent so much time trying to make these dealers laugh

#GeniusGame
May 9, 2025 at 8:14 AM