Keith Topping
@keitht.bsky.social
Self-Unemployed Author, Novelist, Journalist, Broadcaster, The Sick Man of The Stately Telly Topping Manor. Hobbies include socialising with fiends, loud guitar-based pop-music; watching football, cricket, TV and cinema and irking the purists.
Good book, that Rorret fo Dndlsi by that there Htiek Gnippot. Local author, apparently, even though he sounds like a Johnny Foreigner to me. Note: Correctly addressed, but dumped on the doorstep in the cold and wet then put in the Blue Bin. Well done, Royal Mail, *jolly* well done, there ...
November 13, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Good book, that Rorret fo Dndlsi by that there Htiek Gnippot. Local author, apparently, even though he sounds like a Johnny Foreigner to me. Note: Correctly addressed, but dumped on the doorstep in the cold and wet then put in the Blue Bin. Well done, Royal Mail, *jolly* well done, there ...
Was at The Keel Row, again. With Young Malcolm. Again. And a fun time was had by all (again).
November 13, 2025 at 4:40 PM
Was at The Keel Row, again. With Young Malcolm. Again. And a fun time was had by all (again).
One of THEM days. Days when several of the things you've ordered which are gonna shatter your fragile bank account into tiny fragments arrive all at once. In life you win some, you lose some. Still I can, at least, write them off against tax as legitimate "business expenses"!
October 29, 2025 at 10:35 AM
One of THEM days. Days when several of the things you've ordered which are gonna shatter your fragile bank account into tiny fragments arrive all at once. In life you win some, you lose some. Still I can, at least, write them off against tax as legitimate "business expenses"!
297,497 words. 263 footnotes. 78 entries (72 British, 6 Johnny Foreigners). 2 essays. Of course, it isn't finished. Now the REAL work starts. Taking probably the next 6 or 7 weeks editing it until it squeals for mercy. But, Bride of a Vault of Horror is now completed to first draft level.
October 20, 2025 at 6:07 PM
297,497 words. 263 footnotes. 78 entries (72 British, 6 Johnny Foreigners). 2 essays. Of course, it isn't finished. Now the REAL work starts. Taking probably the next 6 or 7 weeks editing it until it squeals for mercy. But, Bride of a Vault of Horror is now completed to first draft level.
WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS SOONER? WHY? WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY???????
October 19, 2025 at 6:03 PM
WHY DIDN'T THEY DO THIS SOONER? WHY? WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY???????
Keith Telly Topping, why are you taking ANOTHER day off from writing your latest world-class tome to meet up with Young Malcolm for an afternoon of food, fun and frivolity? To which, of course, the answer - as usual - is that we both (but, especially me) REALLY DESERVE THIS. Clear now?
September 16, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Keith Telly Topping, why are you taking ANOTHER day off from writing your latest world-class tome to meet up with Young Malcolm for an afternoon of food, fun and frivolity? To which, of course, the answer - as usual - is that we both (but, especially me) REALLY DESERVE THIS. Clear now?
The incoming of the latest set of page-proofs for Island of Terror has arrived, hotfoot, from Stately Telos Manor.
Ladies, gentlemen, it's been an emotional rip-roaring rollercoaster of a ride.
Ladies, gentlemen, it's been an emotional rip-roaring rollercoaster of a ride.
September 7, 2025 at 8:40 AM
The incoming of the latest set of page-proofs for Island of Terror has arrived, hotfoot, from Stately Telos Manor.
Ladies, gentlemen, it's been an emotional rip-roaring rollercoaster of a ride.
Ladies, gentlemen, it's been an emotional rip-roaring rollercoaster of a ride.
Island of Terror, page 288. Dr Who & The Daleks. Logic, Let Me Introduce You To This Window section. You're going to buy this book, aren't you? Oh, yes you are. Go on. Go on. Go on.
September 4, 2025 at 5:44 AM
Island of Terror, page 288. Dr Who & The Daleks. Logic, Let Me Introduce You To This Window section. You're going to buy this book, aren't you? Oh, yes you are. Go on. Go on. Go on.
Contract signed - so ... hands up who'd like to see/read this - the 3rd part of the Vault of Horror tetralogy? Because - a likely change of title, notwithstanding - once I write it, you will be able to. On Telos Publishing, sometime in 2026. Latest hideous self-aggrandising plug ends.
July 21, 2025 at 11:02 AM
Contract signed - so ... hands up who'd like to see/read this - the 3rd part of the Vault of Horror tetralogy? Because - a likely change of title, notwithstanding - once I write it, you will be able to. On Telos Publishing, sometime in 2026. Latest hideous self-aggrandising plug ends.
Today's "I will not celebrate meaningless milestones" column. From The North's had its 15-millionth page-hit since records began (2006). Meaning, one dear fiend has been visiting the blog for 19 years in the hope of finding porn. Sorry for the numerous bitter disappointments, whomsoever you are.
July 8, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Today's "I will not celebrate meaningless milestones" column. From The North's had its 15-millionth page-hit since records began (2006). Meaning, one dear fiend has been visiting the blog for 19 years in the hope of finding porn. Sorry for the numerous bitter disappointments, whomsoever you are.
Is at Amaysia with Young Malcolm Hunter. And, why not?
July 7, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Is at Amaysia with Young Malcolm Hunter. And, why not?
Today, for Us Dinner at The Stately Telly Topping Manor bait, 咖喱米飯和晶片. Who's with me?
July 6, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Today, for Us Dinner at The Stately Telly Topping Manor bait, 咖喱米飯和晶片. Who's with me?
Current Premier League standings according to the FA website. Another disappointing season for Man United and (especially) Spurs, seemingly. Shock first title for Bournemouth, Brentford in the Champions League, Burnley in Europe and Sunderland manage to avoid relegation - who would've guessed?
July 4, 2025 at 9:28 AM
Current Premier League standings according to the FA website. Another disappointing season for Man United and (especially) Spurs, seemingly. Shock first title for Bournemouth, Brentford in the Champions League, Burnley in Europe and Sunderland manage to avoid relegation - who would've guessed?
The Stately Telly Topping motto.
July 4, 2025 at 9:20 AM
The Stately Telly Topping motto.
Keepin' it cool(ish) at The Stately Telly Topping Manor.
July 4, 2025 at 8:37 AM
Keepin' it cool(ish) at The Stately Telly Topping Manor.
I can't drive. But, for the chance to pilot of Thunderbird 2, I'd consider learning!
July 4, 2025 at 8:35 AM
I can't drive. But, for the chance to pilot of Thunderbird 2, I'd consider learning!
Island of Terror editing: Day 1.
Your author has reached THIS, significant, point -
Pg 242 and a, hopefully thoughtful and intelligent, appreciation of the guest-starring role of Valerie Gearon's knickers in the climactic scene of Invasion. It's a dirty job, but SOMEONE has to do it.
Your author has reached THIS, significant, point -
Pg 242 and a, hopefully thoughtful and intelligent, appreciation of the guest-starring role of Valerie Gearon's knickers in the climactic scene of Invasion. It's a dirty job, but SOMEONE has to do it.
May 23, 2025 at 9:38 AM
Island of Terror editing: Day 1.
Your author has reached THIS, significant, point -
Pg 242 and a, hopefully thoughtful and intelligent, appreciation of the guest-starring role of Valerie Gearon's knickers in the climactic scene of Invasion. It's a dirty job, but SOMEONE has to do it.
Your author has reached THIS, significant, point -
Pg 242 and a, hopefully thoughtful and intelligent, appreciation of the guest-starring role of Valerie Gearon's knickers in the climactic scene of Invasion. It's a dirty job, but SOMEONE has to do it.
One from the Stately Telly Topping Manor files; circa 1981(ish) so I'd've been 18 or thereabouts. Is this THE campest Mod y'every did see in all yer actual? Check out the eye-liner for a kick-off! Hell, it was the 1980s, strange doings abounded. And the drums never ceased at night.
May 19, 2025 at 9:46 AM
One from the Stately Telly Topping Manor files; circa 1981(ish) so I'd've been 18 or thereabouts. Is this THE campest Mod y'every did see in all yer actual? Check out the eye-liner for a kick-off! Hell, it was the 1980s, strange doings abounded. And the drums never ceased at night.
This seems about right.
May 5, 2025 at 11:55 AM
This seems about right.
Surprise replacement bassist announced for forthcoming Slade reunion tour. (That bloody Kermode gets EVERYWHERE!)
May 5, 2025 at 8:46 AM
Surprise replacement bassist announced for forthcoming Slade reunion tour. (That bloody Kermode gets EVERYWHERE!)
Just what you need for when you wish to grease up yer own, personal, burglar. Get it in the shops for Christmas it'll make a steal.
April 23, 2025 at 8:43 AM
Just what you need for when you wish to grease up yer own, personal, burglar. Get it in the shops for Christmas it'll make a steal.
Surprise frontrunner in the search for the next Pope emerges. (What, too soon?)
April 22, 2025 at 4:57 PM
Surprise frontrunner in the search for the next Pope emerges. (What, too soon?)
"The Seven Bridges". Taken, in 2008, from out the window of a Douglas Dakota DC-3 which was making its final flight from Newcastle Airport having been in service since the mid-1950s.
April 22, 2025 at 4:57 PM
"The Seven Bridges". Taken, in 2008, from out the window of a Douglas Dakota DC-3 which was making its final flight from Newcastle Airport having been in service since the mid-1950s.