i wish i could at least be consistent about weight stuff one way or the other
i want to lose weight until i wanna gain weight and this constant back and forth in my head aint fun

tthinkin about how alotta the things i don't like about myself are things that i like in other people
am i a bad person or just inconsistent or biased against myself

please

i wish it wouldnt hurt people when i die

being a cis girl would be too good for me
being a dog would be too good for me

i cant make her smile

i feel like im losing myself just a little bit more every day
like its a slowmo game of tug of rope and i was always gonna lose anyways
it feels like torture to even try to pull back but still am for some reason
i just wanna let go and just
idk
being a person is too difficult for something like me

large women...

imagining the love of my life smiling so much more onve shes with a real woman

lets go interview that i probably screwed up cant wait for the call where they tell me to kill myself

i just wanna be a girl and hug and cuddle and kiss other girls but i feel so disgusting for like
saying it like that?
idk
at the same time though its like since i cant be this time around at least id wanna be someones pet but then i look at myself and rememeber that oops im disgusting physically too

god i just feel so
unfixable
the things id do to feel like a neuraltypical cis person
too bad it'll never happen, at least not in this life
i cant even cope, sooner or later ill break down
i wish i could shut down my human brain for a bit at least, just be collared by someone im safe and happy with