everything went dumb
@keasbey.bsky.social
just some jerk from boston
woke scolding my ESL lyft driver about why driving a t*sla (the Racist car) and wishing me a merry c*ristmas (Racist?) is Inappropriate while i [furiously google 101 wacky facts about war on ukrane
December 22, 2025 at 6:32 AM
woke scolding my ESL lyft driver about why driving a t*sla (the Racist car) and wishing me a merry c*ristmas (Racist?) is Inappropriate while i [furiously google 101 wacky facts about war on ukrane
for work tonight i sat in my attic clos3t dive bar for 4 hours and Vaped and watched old ppl struggle to walk up the steps
December 22, 2025 at 2:32 AM
for work tonight i sat in my attic clos3t dive bar for 4 hours and Vaped and watched old ppl struggle to walk up the steps
practicing in the mirror for the day when i have to have "the conversation" w/my kids about angry game reviewers on the computer. u see joshua sometime's a man hates a game for original nintendo enough so muhc he would rather have a buff alo take a diarrhea dump in his ear....
December 15, 2025 at 4:11 PM
practicing in the mirror for the day when i have to have "the conversation" w/my kids about angry game reviewers on the computer. u see joshua sometime's a man hates a game for original nintendo enough so muhc he would rather have a buff alo take a diarrhea dump in his ear....
they should put into the next star war a hot alien who shows us her Boobs but thyre just not likehuman's enough so that mom's still think it is For Kids yet also weird nerds get to Spray Buckets
November 29, 2025 at 12:40 PM
they should put into the next star war a hot alien who shows us her Boobs but thyre just not likehuman's enough so that mom's still think it is For Kids yet also weird nerds get to Spray Buckets
having the most depressing benign night of my almost 40 y/o life drinking a sixer of sclitz and watching reruns of malcom in the middle lmao
November 25, 2025 at 5:02 AM
having the most depressing benign night of my almost 40 y/o life drinking a sixer of sclitz and watching reruns of malcom in the middle lmao
big Congrats to nyc for joining boston in the GMC (good mayor club) it took you a few extra years to get there but hey there's no shame in being runner up to the best in the bizness.
November 5, 2025 at 4:37 AM
big Congrats to nyc for joining boston in the GMC (good mayor club) it took you a few extra years to get there but hey there's no shame in being runner up to the best in the bizness.
my strange addicti9n: walking for hunger
October 30, 2025 at 2:20 AM
my strange addicti9n: walking for hunger
heh i'm a pretty quirky guy i like to slug my pre-work ice coffee like REALLY fast so i can get a upset stomach and panic attack while i'm on the train
October 29, 2025 at 8:01 PM
heh i'm a pretty quirky guy i like to slug my pre-work ice coffee like REALLY fast so i can get a upset stomach and panic attack while i'm on the train
how a person decides to masticate their homonculus-shaped chipotle burrito is a personal conv3rsation between themselves and their god
October 5, 2025 at 12:07 AM
how a person decides to masticate their homonculus-shaped chipotle burrito is a personal conv3rsation between themselves and their god
new marketing idea: skittles flavored tylenol. taste the spectrum.
October 3, 2025 at 1:37 AM
new marketing idea: skittles flavored tylenol. taste the spectrum.
realized that reinflating a whoopee cushion is just going ass to mouth on a technicality
October 2, 2025 at 5:16 PM
realized that reinflating a whoopee cushion is just going ass to mouth on a technicality
it should be legal to jack it in public but only on the sidewalk in front of the american football house and only if you're crying the whole time and constantly repeating "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm rly rly sorry"
September 4, 2025 at 12:04 PM
it should be legal to jack it in public but only on the sidewalk in front of the american football house and only if you're crying the whole time and constantly repeating "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm rly rly sorry"
[italian dad explaining how to wipe ass to his kid] now imagine u got all dat sauce left in da bowl and u gotta scoop it all up wit da focaccia,
August 31, 2025 at 5:58 PM
[italian dad explaining how to wipe ass to his kid] now imagine u got all dat sauce left in da bowl and u gotta scoop it all up wit da focaccia,
max keeble's big dick
May 7, 2025 at 1:01 PM
max keeble's big dick
if u are in a band and u put ur Cool Art on the back of ur t-shirts u should go to jail. u should go to DOUBLE jail if it's a pullover hoodie.
April 26, 2025 at 4:34 PM
if u are in a band and u put ur Cool Art on the back of ur t-shirts u should go to jail. u should go to DOUBLE jail if it's a pullover hoodie.
[on a first date at idk chipotle] oh u like disney?? okay well if ur a REAL fan then go ahead and name all 101 dalmations *sips suicide soda i made at the coke freestyle machine smugly* go ahead i'll wait
March 22, 2025 at 2:22 PM
[on a first date at idk chipotle] oh u like disney?? okay well if ur a REAL fan then go ahead and name all 101 dalmations *sips suicide soda i made at the coke freestyle machine smugly* go ahead i'll wait
*piles the fam into the rav4 on a friday nite for our weekly outing to debase staff @ cold stone creamery* okay kiddos what tip song do u wanna request this week??? no mayson u got to pick last time it's braylen's turn. MAYSON if u don't stop whining ur only getting 30 minutes on ipad when we get ho
March 3, 2025 at 11:16 PM
*piles the fam into the rav4 on a friday nite for our weekly outing to debase staff @ cold stone creamery* okay kiddos what tip song do u wanna request this week??? no mayson u got to pick last time it's braylen's turn. MAYSON if u don't stop whining ur only getting 30 minutes on ipad when we get ho
[talking to first date about food u like] yea u could say i got a pretty adventurous palate haha just the other day the chipotle man put something called car-knee-toes into my white rice + cheese burrito instead of chicken and i didn't even make a barfy baby no likey face.....
March 3, 2025 at 10:58 PM
[talking to first date about food u like] yea u could say i got a pretty adventurous palate haha just the other day the chipotle man put something called car-knee-toes into my white rice + cheese burrito instead of chicken and i didn't even make a barfy baby no likey face.....
thinking a lot today about how bam margera has always been the linkara to johnny knoxville's doug walker
February 15, 2025 at 8:24 PM
thinking a lot today about how bam margera has always been the linkara to johnny knoxville's doug walker
imo if the twitter man wants to fix anerica then every other friday he should deploy the Manager Special and offer all of us one slice of room temp Breakroom pizza w/only the toppings we make barfy gagging baby no like faces at on it
February 14, 2025 at 1:07 PM
imo if the twitter man wants to fix anerica then every other friday he should deploy the Manager Special and offer all of us one slice of room temp Breakroom pizza w/only the toppings we make barfy gagging baby no like faces at on it
[tim rogers voice] to state it simply, if one is to truly play *all* of balatro one must first play all of......... *themselves*
January 30, 2025 at 8:13 PM
[tim rogers voice] to state it simply, if one is to truly play *all* of balatro one must first play all of......... *themselves*
balatro should have a braid twist Indie Game ending where it turns out u were the joker all along (also u got depression)
January 30, 2025 at 7:45 PM
balatro should have a braid twist Indie Game ending where it turns out u were the joker all along (also u got depression)
some rich guy: i realize now that unfortunately i am afdicted...addicted.... to having Sex
[me] okay but have u ever tried being Cold, but willingly
[me] okay but have u ever tried being Cold, but willingly
January 26, 2025 at 6:48 AM
some rich guy: i realize now that unfortunately i am afdicted...addicted.... to having Sex
[me] okay but have u ever tried being Cold, but willingly
[me] okay but have u ever tried being Cold, but willingly
walking home @ 2 in the morning in the "dead of winter" in a shawl and cable knit cardie instead of paying $40 for a ride share b/c it makes me feel "authentic" when all i rly wanna do is soak in a heated pool that "drains the resources" of a "gated community"
January 26, 2025 at 6:46 AM
walking home @ 2 in the morning in the "dead of winter" in a shawl and cable knit cardie instead of paying $40 for a ride share b/c it makes me feel "authentic" when all i rly wanna do is soak in a heated pool that "drains the resources" of a "gated community"
imagine a future where if u "lie irl" to "get cred" and/or "get laid" a amber alert klaxon go3s off and instead u are "attacked by a merciless pack of heckin rabid feral doggos"
January 26, 2025 at 6:12 AM
imagine a future where if u "lie irl" to "get cred" and/or "get laid" a amber alert klaxon go3s off and instead u are "attacked by a merciless pack of heckin rabid feral doggos"