Andy-isms
@kearneybear.bsky.social
Married arch nemesis of an Atlanta area crime fighter.
I'm so excited right now...I'm sporting the Yule Log!
December 10, 2025 at 12:54 PM
I'm so excited right now...I'm sporting the Yule Log!
If your neighbor has a seizure when they walk their dog past your Christmas lights, you have succeeded.
December 10, 2025 at 12:53 PM
If your neighbor has a seizure when they walk their dog past your Christmas lights, you have succeeded.
I just stirred my coffee with a candy cane because I'm a festive guy...and all the spoons are dirty.
December 10, 2025 at 12:53 PM
I just stirred my coffee with a candy cane because I'm a festive guy...and all the spoons are dirty.
Planning a trip to Disney world next year .. Instead if riding rides I'll pick a random family to follow all day and be in the background of all their pictures..
December 10, 2025 at 12:52 PM
Planning a trip to Disney world next year .. Instead if riding rides I'll pick a random family to follow all day and be in the background of all their pictures..
I'm gonna cut the sleeves off my snuggie so I can look tough
December 10, 2025 at 12:50 PM
I'm gonna cut the sleeves off my snuggie so I can look tough
Living with a detective is trying at times.
Husband: So, What's for dinner?
Me: Oh, I went to Kroger and while I was there...
Husband: *pulls out notepad* Just the facts, please...
Husband: So, What's for dinner?
Me: Oh, I went to Kroger and while I was there...
Husband: *pulls out notepad* Just the facts, please...
December 8, 2025 at 2:03 PM
Living with a detective is trying at times.
Husband: So, What's for dinner?
Me: Oh, I went to Kroger and while I was there...
Husband: *pulls out notepad* Just the facts, please...
Husband: So, What's for dinner?
Me: Oh, I went to Kroger and while I was there...
Husband: *pulls out notepad* Just the facts, please...
Santa Pick-up line: Hey you wanna see the North Pole?
December 8, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Santa Pick-up line: Hey you wanna see the North Pole?
An email from my Mom: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Public toilet seats are dirty.
December 8, 2025 at 1:57 PM
An email from my Mom: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: Public toilet seats are dirty.
Sometimes I’ll be staring at my phone for a few minutes and be like “What was it I was doing?” then I’ll be like “Oh yeah I’m driving a car”
December 8, 2025 at 1:55 PM
Sometimes I’ll be staring at my phone for a few minutes and be like “What was it I was doing?” then I’ll be like “Oh yeah I’m driving a car”
Mom: Decorating with the family and listening to holiday music #blessed
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
December 7, 2025 at 1:04 PM
Mom: Decorating with the family and listening to holiday music #blessed
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
Mom: Decorating with the family and listening to holiday music #blessed
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
December 7, 2025 at 1:01 PM
Mom: Decorating with the family and listening to holiday music #blessed
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
[Real Life]
Mom: QUIT THROWING THE GODDAMNED ORNAMENTS AT YOUR SISTER!
Robbed a bank just to hear my husband call me a person of interest.
December 7, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Robbed a bank just to hear my husband call me a person of interest.
Me: *admires his calves* Ooohh nice...
Him: Do you mind?!
Me: Sorry, sorry *admires his piglets instead*
Him: Do you mind?!
Me: Sorry, sorry *admires his piglets instead*
December 7, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Me: *admires his calves* Ooohh nice...
Him: Do you mind?!
Me: Sorry, sorry *admires his piglets instead*
Him: Do you mind?!
Me: Sorry, sorry *admires his piglets instead*
Magician: For my next trick—
Me: BRING BACK THE BUNNY, YOU MONSTER!!
Me: BRING BACK THE BUNNY, YOU MONSTER!!
December 7, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Magician: For my next trick—
Me: BRING BACK THE BUNNY, YOU MONSTER!!
Me: BRING BACK THE BUNNY, YOU MONSTER!!
Just spent like 45 minutes throwing buckets of water on my TV.
Turns out, it was on the Yule Log channel
Turns out, it was on the Yule Log channel
December 6, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Just spent like 45 minutes throwing buckets of water on my TV.
Turns out, it was on the Yule Log channel
Turns out, it was on the Yule Log channel
"Hell no, I'm tired. I don't want to do this again today"
~ March of the Wouldn't Soldiers
~ March of the Wouldn't Soldiers
December 6, 2025 at 12:53 PM
"Hell no, I'm tired. I don't want to do this again today"
~ March of the Wouldn't Soldiers
~ March of the Wouldn't Soldiers
Remember kids. It's only fun to ride if you jingle ALL the way.
December 6, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Remember kids. It's only fun to ride if you jingle ALL the way.
I knew I had gotten too fat when I found three kids tying strings to me at the parade.
December 5, 2025 at 1:24 PM
I knew I had gotten too fat when I found three kids tying strings to me at the parade.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
December 5, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
If you don't make him shake his head and regret marrying you at least once per day, you're doing it wrong.
December 5, 2025 at 1:19 PM
If you don't make him shake his head and regret marrying you at least once per day, you're doing it wrong.
Fun Game: Guess which felonies your local Christmas tree lot helper is wanted for.
December 5, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Fun Game: Guess which felonies your local Christmas tree lot helper is wanted for.
Finished making my mistletoe belt.
December 3, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Finished making my mistletoe belt.
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
December 3, 2025 at 12:54 PM
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
My husband's allowance day:
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
December 3, 2025 at 12:51 PM
My husband's allowance day:
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."