it's so cute how the New York Times keeps thinking I'm gonna log in to play their games #nytgames

that's not my name

There is definitely a difference between "trying to not be an asshole" and "not trying to be an asshole" and I'm not sure how to explain it #assholeyayorno

the umpire at the Mets/Reds game is giving drag queen with the bleached eyebrows

I have decided that I would like my funeral playlist to begin with "Crank That" (Soulja Boy) followed immediately by Blut Aus Nord's "Work Which Transforms God" in its entirety

a friend of the bartender, finding out something new & surprising about him, just said, "you contain multitudes,man" which may be the best compliment I've ever heard #dive106

I decided to convert to the metric system and now I'm measuring everything in picoseconds halp

This is the time of night when I start to think about mayonnaise

watched an episode of Golden Girls today where Rita Moreno's character proposed giving Greenland to the Palestinians as the "Peace in the Middle East" solution