If he was less of an arse would his music have not been quite as good?

Are you willing to bet on that?

Why stop there? The porcelain should fit in too with room to spare for everyone's toothbrushes.

Gosh, Richard Branson has let himself go

Wasn't this a B-side by Craig David?

In the 70s multiverse Stiff Records was also a record label

A comedian really struggling to get a laugh asked the audience "What's the essential thing a stand up comedian should have?" A number of people muttered "Jokes!", I shouted "Legs!" triggering laughter and applause. He floindered so badly from then on. I felt awful for him.

Person who can probably afford train tickets blags free train tickets? That's the fess.

Delighted to hear that you're loving your new job at the crematorium

I believe I can out middle class you with cantuccini

...and The World's Worst Rapper

Rumour has it that Mark Zuckerberg likes to start his day listening to the shipping forecast

This morning I had a bacon sandwich with mayo, black pepper and sriracha. The inner sides of the bread were fried in the bacon fact. Statin chaser followed.

I would if I could