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venting about my thoughts and about what goes on in my head. I also want to be clear, I DO NOT, want anymore stuff dredged up. Let the past lay in it's grave, and let it just stay as it is. I just needed to let this out, because I felt horrid in bottling it and I just needed to just release it.

I am not perfect, nor am I perfectly imperfect. The only thing I am, is a messed up jumble of bad thoughts and judgment calls due to being on the spectrum and adhd. My brain is a constant warzone, of chewing myself out for past mistakes and bad calls. I'd like to make it clear, this is just me-

people move on and talk about other things. I am aware that people probably don't gush over me, nor do they probably think highly. Not that I blame them, I am forward, blunt, impulsive, come off as an ass an so on. I just feel so tired...tired of just being, and of the shit that comes my way.

wanting to help others and to uplift. Yet now all my heart feels, aside from the rare moments I forget it...is weariness and loniless. I am always left behind, forgotten, or just plain out seen but not heard. I am an afterthought, the kind that people go "Oh yea I did this with them," then-

I also know I am not wrong, my entire life I have had people come and go like a revolving door. I constantly feel as though I am not anyone's priority, not the first or last middle or anyone's pick at all. My heart has always been worn on my sleeve, I spent the better part of my younger years...

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