If Rudolph is supposedly "the most famous reindeer of all," why would people not recall him?
It's like being able to rattle off most every U.S. President but you can't (for the life of you!) remember James Buchanan. Not even Jimmy B!! Absurd. 🚨
It's like being able to rattle off most every U.S. President but you can't (for the life of you!) remember James Buchanan. Not even Jimmy B!! Absurd. 🚨
December 22, 2025 at 10:02 PM
If Rudolph is supposedly "the most famous reindeer of all," why would people not recall him?
It's like being able to rattle off most every U.S. President but you can't (for the life of you!) remember James Buchanan. Not even Jimmy B!! Absurd. 🚨
It's like being able to rattle off most every U.S. President but you can't (for the life of you!) remember James Buchanan. Not even Jimmy B!! Absurd. 🚨
The opening lines of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' sound like a thinly-veiled threat:
"You'd better not shout, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout..."
It's like I will continue with normal human emotions regardless of any visitor's presence or opinion. Come at me, fat man! 🎅
"You'd better not shout, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout..."
It's like I will continue with normal human emotions regardless of any visitor's presence or opinion. Come at me, fat man! 🎅
December 22, 2025 at 10:01 PM
The opening lines of 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' sound like a thinly-veiled threat:
"You'd better not shout, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout..."
It's like I will continue with normal human emotions regardless of any visitor's presence or opinion. Come at me, fat man! 🎅
"You'd better not shout, you'd better not cry, you'd better not pout..."
It's like I will continue with normal human emotions regardless of any visitor's presence or opinion. Come at me, fat man! 🎅
KFS: It was just an emotional devotional.
I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
Now I feel bad for laughing about it rhyming. 🤭
I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
Now I feel bad for laughing about it rhyming. 🤭
December 11, 2025 at 1:01 AM
KFS: It was just an emotional devotional.
I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
Now I feel bad for laughing about it rhyming. 🤭
I didn't mean for that to rhyme.
Now I feel bad for laughing about it rhyming. 🤭
Committing to wellness is kind of like being your own parent. Now I have a bedtime, am sure to eat my vegetables, limit my screen time...
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!! 💪
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!! 💪
December 11, 2025 at 1:00 AM
Committing to wellness is kind of like being your own parent. Now I have a bedtime, am sure to eat my vegetables, limit my screen time...
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!! 💪
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!! 💪
Charged with a crime, I'd have no alibi. (2 of 2)
=---=
KFS: What?! You can't do that, copper!
Copper: Now you get another charge for using old-timey slang without a permit.
KFS: That's bonkers, I tells ya! It'll never stick!
Copper: Save it for the judge, you gatecrasher.
=---=
KFS: What?! You can't do that, copper!
Copper: Now you get another charge for using old-timey slang without a permit.
KFS: That's bonkers, I tells ya! It'll never stick!
Copper: Save it for the judge, you gatecrasher.
December 2, 2025 at 9:52 PM
Charged with a crime, I'd have no alibi. (2 of 2)
=---=
KFS: What?! You can't do that, copper!
Copper: Now you get another charge for using old-timey slang without a permit.
KFS: That's bonkers, I tells ya! It'll never stick!
Copper: Save it for the judge, you gatecrasher.
=---=
KFS: What?! You can't do that, copper!
Copper: Now you get another charge for using old-timey slang without a permit.
KFS: That's bonkers, I tells ya! It'll never stick!
Copper: Save it for the judge, you gatecrasher.
I live alone and work remotely. Charged with a crime, I'd have no alibi. (1 of 2)
=---=
Officer: Where were you last night at 8p?
KFS: Watching cat videos and prepping for bed.
Officer: You're a lousy lying so and so. We're charging you with all the unsolved crimes this year.
=---=
Officer: Where were you last night at 8p?
KFS: Watching cat videos and prepping for bed.
Officer: You're a lousy lying so and so. We're charging you with all the unsolved crimes this year.
December 2, 2025 at 9:51 PM
I live alone and work remotely. Charged with a crime, I'd have no alibi. (1 of 2)
=---=
Officer: Where were you last night at 8p?
KFS: Watching cat videos and prepping for bed.
Officer: You're a lousy lying so and so. We're charging you with all the unsolved crimes this year.
=---=
Officer: Where were you last night at 8p?
KFS: Watching cat videos and prepping for bed.
Officer: You're a lousy lying so and so. We're charging you with all the unsolved crimes this year.
I guess not much has changed since grade school. I'm *highly* motivated by little rewards: website badges, stickers, buttons, etc.
I'm also a big fan of any 'spin the wheel' prize setup. So exciting! 🎡
I'm also a big fan of any 'spin the wheel' prize setup. So exciting! 🎡
November 25, 2025 at 10:29 PM
I guess not much has changed since grade school. I'm *highly* motivated by little rewards: website badges, stickers, buttons, etc.
I'm also a big fan of any 'spin the wheel' prize setup. So exciting! 🎡
I'm also a big fan of any 'spin the wheel' prize setup. So exciting! 🎡
#AI chatbots are wholly unhelpful.
It's 20 minutes of trying to get to a live person whilst the bot keeps repeating "I understand you'd like to chat with a representative but I've been trained to..." 🤖
It's 20 minutes of trying to get to a live person whilst the bot keeps repeating "I understand you'd like to chat with a representative but I've been trained to..." 🤖
November 25, 2025 at 10:29 PM
#AI chatbots are wholly unhelpful.
It's 20 minutes of trying to get to a live person whilst the bot keeps repeating "I understand you'd like to chat with a representative but I've been trained to..." 🤖
It's 20 minutes of trying to get to a live person whilst the bot keeps repeating "I understand you'd like to chat with a representative but I've been trained to..." 🤖
Dreamt I was host of a gameshow called 'Nasty Fart Time.' But I woke before knowing how the game is played.
=--=
"Hello, everyone and welcome once again to Nasty Fart Time! I'm your host, KFS. Tonight we have a very special show..."
💨
=--=
"Hello, everyone and welcome once again to Nasty Fart Time! I'm your host, KFS. Tonight we have a very special show..."
💨
November 19, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Dreamt I was host of a gameshow called 'Nasty Fart Time.' But I woke before knowing how the game is played.
=--=
"Hello, everyone and welcome once again to Nasty Fart Time! I'm your host, KFS. Tonight we have a very special show..."
💨
=--=
"Hello, everyone and welcome once again to Nasty Fart Time! I'm your host, KFS. Tonight we have a very special show..."
💨
(*overheard)
Person 1: He's actually been dead for a while now.
Person 2: And is he expected to re-animate soon?
☠️
Person 1: He's actually been dead for a while now.
Person 2: And is he expected to re-animate soon?
☠️
November 19, 2025 at 9:20 PM
(*overheard)
Person 1: He's actually been dead for a while now.
Person 2: And is he expected to re-animate soon?
☠️
Person 1: He's actually been dead for a while now.
Person 2: And is he expected to re-animate soon?
☠️
I often see 'emulsifier' on food labels. That would be a good band name.
"Hey everyone! We're The Emulsifiers. We've got records for sale up front. Appreciate your support. This song's from our latest album. It's called 'To Prevent Caking.' And-a-one-and-a-two..." 🧀
"Hey everyone! We're The Emulsifiers. We've got records for sale up front. Appreciate your support. This song's from our latest album. It's called 'To Prevent Caking.' And-a-one-and-a-two..." 🧀
November 12, 2025 at 7:56 PM
I often see 'emulsifier' on food labels. That would be a good band name.
"Hey everyone! We're The Emulsifiers. We've got records for sale up front. Appreciate your support. This song's from our latest album. It's called 'To Prevent Caking.' And-a-one-and-a-two..." 🧀
"Hey everyone! We're The Emulsifiers. We've got records for sale up front. Appreciate your support. This song's from our latest album. It's called 'To Prevent Caking.' And-a-one-and-a-two..." 🧀
I don't understand billboards that say: "More families choose our ER." ⛑️
I shop around as much as the next guy but when it comes to emergencies I... pretty much just choose the closest place.
"Well, I'm bleeding out here but I don't like the pizza in that hospital. Let's keep driving."
I shop around as much as the next guy but when it comes to emergencies I... pretty much just choose the closest place.
"Well, I'm bleeding out here but I don't like the pizza in that hospital. Let's keep driving."
November 12, 2025 at 7:55 PM
I don't understand billboards that say: "More families choose our ER." ⛑️
I shop around as much as the next guy but when it comes to emergencies I... pretty much just choose the closest place.
"Well, I'm bleeding out here but I don't like the pizza in that hospital. Let's keep driving."
I shop around as much as the next guy but when it comes to emergencies I... pretty much just choose the closest place.
"Well, I'm bleeding out here but I don't like the pizza in that hospital. Let's keep driving."
If I leave the freezer door open too long, it starts to beep.
That's when I say (with one arm extended): "Take it easy, freezer. Take it easy." 🥶
That's when I say (with one arm extended): "Take it easy, freezer. Take it easy." 🥶
November 5, 2025 at 4:00 PM
If I leave the freezer door open too long, it starts to beep.
That's when I say (with one arm extended): "Take it easy, freezer. Take it easy." 🥶
That's when I say (with one arm extended): "Take it easy, freezer. Take it easy." 🥶
The person responsible for reviewing security footage of the #GreetingCard section must thoroughly enjoy watching me.
Every single time I pore through the cards I mutter about the sayings (lots of "this is lame" and "how lame") before finally settling on a blank one. ♣️
Every single time I pore through the cards I mutter about the sayings (lots of "this is lame" and "how lame") before finally settling on a blank one. ♣️
November 5, 2025 at 3:59 PM
The person responsible for reviewing security footage of the #GreetingCard section must thoroughly enjoy watching me.
Every single time I pore through the cards I mutter about the sayings (lots of "this is lame" and "how lame") before finally settling on a blank one. ♣️
Every single time I pore through the cards I mutter about the sayings (lots of "this is lame" and "how lame") before finally settling on a blank one. ♣️
I can't decide if I'd rather have the "dog days" of #summer or "those lazy, crazy, hazy days" of summer.
The former sounds rather exclusive to canines. The latter appears to come with soda, and pretzels, and beer. I'm still on the fence. 🌞🐶🥨🍻
The former sounds rather exclusive to canines. The latter appears to come with soda, and pretzels, and beer. I'm still on the fence. 🌞🐶🥨🍻
August 22, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I can't decide if I'd rather have the "dog days" of #summer or "those lazy, crazy, hazy days" of summer.
The former sounds rather exclusive to canines. The latter appears to come with soda, and pretzels, and beer. I'm still on the fence. 🌞🐶🥨🍻
The former sounds rather exclusive to canines. The latter appears to come with soda, and pretzels, and beer. I'm still on the fence. 🌞🐶🥨🍻
Changed all my phone sounds and now I have no idea what's going on. 🤨
August 8, 2025 at 8:29 PM
Changed all my phone sounds and now I have no idea what's going on. 🤨
August 8, 2025 at 8:26 PM
What if I am in fact 'having a good time' but am not yet aware if I 'feel fine?' In which direction do I shake it under that scenario? 💃 #SpiceGirls
July 22, 2025 at 8:26 PM
What if I am in fact 'having a good time' but am not yet aware if I 'feel fine?' In which direction do I shake it under that scenario? 💃 #SpiceGirls
July 18, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Dreamt I created three new cities.
Two didn't pan out. A woman at the council meeting called me an "a----." But it's not like I planned that to happen, lady!
The third did quite well and was featured in Forbes Magazine's 'Fastest Growing Cities' (not the real-life one). We're all very proud.
Two didn't pan out. A woman at the council meeting called me an "a----." But it's not like I planned that to happen, lady!
The third did quite well and was featured in Forbes Magazine's 'Fastest Growing Cities' (not the real-life one). We're all very proud.
July 18, 2025 at 3:14 PM
Dreamt I created three new cities.
Two didn't pan out. A woman at the council meeting called me an "a----." But it's not like I planned that to happen, lady!
The third did quite well and was featured in Forbes Magazine's 'Fastest Growing Cities' (not the real-life one). We're all very proud.
Two didn't pan out. A woman at the council meeting called me an "a----." But it's not like I planned that to happen, lady!
The third did quite well and was featured in Forbes Magazine's 'Fastest Growing Cities' (not the real-life one). We're all very proud.
I've always loved the taste of water straight from the garden hose. Some say that taste is hepatitis.
July 3, 2025 at 8:36 PM
I've always loved the taste of water straight from the garden hose. Some say that taste is hepatitis.
Committing to #wellness is kind of like being your own parent. Now I have a bedtime, am sure to eat my vegetables, limit my screen time...
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!
June 27, 2025 at 7:07 PM
Committing to #wellness is kind of like being your own parent. Now I have a bedtime, am sure to eat my vegetables, limit my screen time...
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!
I can't wait 'til I grow up and can move out of this place!