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kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Attorney at LOL
@kakuna-matada.bsky.social
400 followers 2.4K following 940 posts
Tired lawyer, union stooge
MD/DC
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kakuna-matada.bsky.social
A+ timing
Skeet #1, by Jerry Chen, reads "trying something" over a modified meme saying "Quote from man verified: 'What are you gonna do, verify me?'" Skeet #2, by Weedle, reads "People on the Internet aren't real they're just names next to silly pictures"
November 26, 2025 at 8:47 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Two-frame meme of Joey from the TV show Friends. The first frame shows Joey smiling. The second frame shows Joey's eyes going round in horror upon processing what he's actually looking at.
November 5, 2025 at 12:14 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Pete and a squishy Pete butt for the road.
A groundhog faces away from the camera as he crawls up a grassy hill. His backside appears to be quite squishy. A frowning brown groundhog determinedly searches for goodies and doesn't appear to notice that he's being photographed
September 11, 2025 at 12:37 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
And Pete in Autumn Mode, also from last year:
As a brown groundhog eats his snacks, he brings his paws up to his face
September 11, 2025 at 12:25 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Here's a photo of beach bod Pete in March 2024:
A fat brown groundhog searches for snacks in a grassy area
September 11, 2025 at 12:20 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
I think today is the day where everyone needs to meet Pete.
A brown groundhog searches for food in the grass. A brown groundhog sits and observes metro station goings-on from a grassy area across the tracks from the human riders
September 11, 2025 at 12:10 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
An image of Anton Chigurrh from "No Country for Old Men" staring, and a caption underneath which reads "[stares in violent disgust]"
August 21, 2025 at 4:08 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Gonna be using this reaction pic a lot today, I can tell
Painting of a cream-and-orange cat with its eyes squinched shut and its mouth stretched in a disgusted line. Text superimposed over the photo reads "I'm about to start using no-no words. The take no-no ones."
June 27, 2025 at 2:31 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Update: those motherfuckers just sent this e-mail at 4:45pm on a Sunday. I - and most employees - aren't supposed to work outside our 40-hour workweek, including checking e-mail.
We wouldn't have received this until Monday morning.
Fuck these people.
An e-mail from HR@opm.gov, sent on Saturday February 22, 2025 at 4:45pm. The email reads: "Please reply to this email with approx. 5 bullets of what you accomplished last week and cc your manager. Please do not send any classified information, links, or attachments. Deadline is this Monday at 11:59pmEST."
February 22, 2025 at 10:11 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Just got an e-mail from my union with a photo of the below tweet attached. Union said that, even if no such e-mail gets sent, it's good to have an answer ready.
A tweet by Elon Musk which reads: "Consistent with President [Trump]'s instructions, all federal employees will surely receive an email requesting to understand what they got done last week. Failure to respond will be taken as a resignation."
February 22, 2025 at 9:57 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Me logging into my group chat of fed employee friends tomorrow:
Commander Rourke from "Atlantis the Lost Empire" striking a match in the darkness and asking "Alright, who's not dead? Sound off."
February 14, 2025 at 2:16 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
UFCW has possibly the best instructions I've seen for exercising it. And it's like getting a lawyer when the police want to interview you: you have to say that you want your rep there.
Instructions for invoking Weingarten rights from UFCW. Read the following language to your supervisor, WORD FOR WORD: "If this discussion, meeting, or telephone call could in any way be related to my being disciplined or terminated or affect any of my working conditions, I exercise my federal rights and hereby request that my union representative or shop steward be present. Without their presence, I choose not to participate in this discussion or meeting. Please do not request that I waive this right."
January 31, 2025 at 5:37 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
"4) Enhanced standards of conduct: The federal workforce should be comprised of employees who are reliable, loyal, trustworthy, and who strive for excellence in their daily work. Employees will be subject to enhanced standards of suitability and conduct as we move forward. Employees who engage in unlawful behavior or other misconduct will be prioritized for appropriate investigation and discipline, including termination. Each of the pillars outlined above will be pursued in accordance with applicable law, consistent with your agency's policies, and to the extent permitted under relevant collective-bargaining agreements. If you choose to remain in your current position, we thank you for your renewed focus on serving the American people to the best of your abilities and look forward to working together as part of an improved federal workforce. At this time, we cannot give you full assurance regarding the certainty of your position or agency but should your position be eliminated you will be treated with dignity and will be afforded the protections in place for such positions. If you choose not to continue in your current role in the federal workforce, we thank you for your service to your country and you will be provided with a dignified, fair departure from the federal government utilizing a deferred resignation program. This program begins effective January 28 and is available to all federal employees until February 6. If you resign under this program, you will retain all pay and benefits regardless of your daily workload and will be exempted from all applicable in-person work requirements until September 30, 2025 (or earlier if you choose to accelerate your resignation for any reason). The details of this separation plan can be found below. Whichever path you choose, we thank you for your service to The United States of America."
January 29, 2025 at 2:29 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Here's the text of today's OPM e-mail, broken into chunks for size reasons:
Screenshot of an e-mail sent at 5:26pm on 1/28/2025 from hr@opm.gov. The subject line is "[EXTERNAL] Fork in the Road" and the e-mail is marked High Importance. The text reads: "During the first week of his administration, President Trump issued a number of directives concerning the federal workforce. Among those directives, the President required that employees return to in-person work, restored accountability for employees who have policy-making authority, restored accountability for senior career executives, and reformed the federal hiring process to focus on merit. As a result of the above orders, the reform of the federal workforce will be significant. The reformed federal workforce will be built around four pillars: 1) Return to Office: The substantial majority of federal employees who have been working remotely since Covid will be required to return to their physical offices five days a week. Going forward, we also expect our physical offices to undergo meaningful consolidation and divestitures, potentially resulting in physical office relocations for a number of federal workers. 2) Performance culture: The federal workforce should be comprised of the best America has to offer. We will insist on excellence at every level — our performance standards will be updated to reward and promote those that exceed expectations and address in a fair and open way those who do not meet the high standards which the taxpayers of this country have a right to demand. 3) More streamlined and flexible workforce: While a few agencies and even branches of the military are likely to see increases in the size of their workforce, the majority of federal agencies are likely to be downsized through restructurings, realignments, and reductions in force. These actions are likely to include the use of furloughs and the reclassification to at-will status for a substantial number of federal employees."
January 29, 2025 at 2:28 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
I will genuinely treasure these
A photo of a colorfully-beaded friendship bracelet which reads "FRCP 12B6" with a decorative heart between the words. A bead with a smiley face adorns the end of the bracelet. A colorfully-beaded friendship bracelet which reads "DISCOVERY," surrounded on both sides of the word with plain colored beads and white beads with hearts of different colors painted on them.
December 18, 2024 at 12:01 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Come on, people.
Screenshot of a tweet from Moniza Hossain, who in turn tweeted a screenshot of an E-rated RPF fanfic called "The Adjuster, hero of the people (and an excellent lover)" I crossed out the author's name because come on people
December 9, 2024 at 9:25 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
In the wake of his killer's acquittal, here is a reminder that Jordan Neely was a dancer, a nerd, and an anime fan. He was homeless and dealt with childhood horror. He was kind and generous.

And even if he'd been none of those things, he had a life and should be alive today to live it.
A photo of a young Black man, Jordan Neely, dressed as Michael Jackson in the 80s in a white t-shirt. His hair, curled and styled around his face, and his thin mustache both match Jackson's 80s look. He is posed in front of a brightly lit movie marquee in New York City, looking to the upper left of the photo.
December 9, 2024 at 5:47 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
I mean
A tweet from user @WonderKing82 which reads: No, you can't change your vote. You voted with good conscience & will. You didn't make a mistake. You made a decision. Googling tariff is not going to help. Googling department of education now is not going to help. Googling Project 2025 is not going to help. Stand on your vote.
November 13, 2024 at 8:03 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
I am ridiculously proud of the Gay Reindeer Hat.
A photo of a neon pink knitted hat with a contrasting brown pattern. The pattern shows one antlered reindeer mounting another antlered reindeer. The deer are flanked by tall trees. Beneath the deer is a pattern of large X-es.
November 2, 2024 at 4:31 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Non-election: please enjoy perpetually-surprised Dorian. He is ridiculously soft.
A photo of a small cat with black and white fur and three black fur spots around his mouth. He has brownish-green eyes open wide in an expression mere humans would regard as surprise. He has a pink nose. He is sitting in a black fuzzy pet bed, in the loaf position, with one dainty white-socked paw laid on the edge of the bed.
October 30, 2024 at 2:42 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Pusheen the cat frowns angrily as she stands atop a wood stool. Pusheen uses a wooden pole to push the last part of a human man into a wood chipper. The man's foot pokes out of the wood chipper. Superimposed over the photo are the words "in this man goes."
October 10, 2024 at 6:16 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
A white sign with black lettering which reads "well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions"
October 9, 2024 at 5:44 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Anyway, here's Flare the falcon and Gesa the owl (aka Murder Marshmallow), who I got to meet at the MD Renn Fest yesterday.
A photo of two birds of prey sitting on porches. A falcon with brown and black-and-white striped feathers and an orange and black striped face looks over her shoulder. Behind the falcon is an owl looking in the opposite direction of the falcon. The owl has the coloring of a toasted marshmallow, with slightly darker brown feathers at the tops of her wings.
September 23, 2024 at 4:14 PM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
I'm thrilled the Mets haven't utterly cocked this up yet, but this is definitely not what I thought the standings would be down the stretch.
Screenshot of major league baseball standings as of Sept. 18 2024. The teams with the 10 best records are, in order: Phillies, LA, Yanks, Brewers, Guards, Padres, Os, Mets, D-Backs, and Astros.
September 19, 2024 at 4:02 AM
kakuna-matada.bsky.social
Have one of my favorite photos of James Earl Jones, taken by Carl Van Vechten in 1961. JEJ was only about 30 at the time.
A photo of a 30-year-old James Earl Jones. He is wearing a white shirt under a tan blazer and holding a cigarette. He is looking straight at the camera with a serious expression.
September 9, 2024 at 8:50 PM