As a rule, I never want to type the word ‘duck’. But today, in my #ubereats order?

I’ve managed to ask for ‘Fuck sauce’ 🥴🫠

Linen season. Dressed like I’m about to miss a train to Florence I never booked.

In: Eating chocolate

Out: Looking at the brokerage account

Spent the entire #slackout trying to think up something witty to say and all I got was this crappy post

Me: “I wonder if anyone has #Spanx on sale…”

Dad: “If anyone has WHAT on sale?”

Mom: “…kinky gay thing!”

💀

#kinkygaything