Oh good. Check marks. Can't imagine any future problems with that.

I just overheard a phone call saying a student has a 1.15 GPA. He failed Ethical Leadership and Critical Thinking. I think he's got the potential to be our next president.

Wife: How'd you sleep?
Me: Have you ever had trouble get your hair comfortable?

Bets on what country he'll invade first?

I really appreciate the aliens following FAA lighting regulations. Very mindful. Very demure.

Have you ever quit, then thought to yourself:

"Yeah. This is better."

Tell me you're 5ft without telling me you're 5ft.

What the fuck are orcas?! Who gave them this much power?