Justin Thyme
@justin-thyme.bsky.social
Too crazy for Funkytown, too funky for Crazytown!
My comedy is very much a numbers game...
My comedy is very much a numbers game...
Her: Micro, petite, tiny, little, miniature, minuscule.
Me: You know I hate small talk!
Me: You know I hate small talk!
September 22, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Her: Micro, petite, tiny, little, miniature, minuscule.
Me: You know I hate small talk!
Me: You know I hate small talk!
Birdhouse is not my favourite type of birdsong...
September 22, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Birdhouse is not my favourite type of birdsong...
Karma is a bitch! She told me she would pick me up after soccer practice, but didn't!
September 22, 2025 at 2:37 AM
Karma is a bitch! She told me she would pick me up after soccer practice, but didn't!
First drafts:
-Call You by my Name
-12 Hangry Men
-Night of the Giving Dead
-It's a Somewhat Acceptable Life
-Crazy Carl: Angry Lane
-Call You by my Name
-12 Hangry Men
-Night of the Giving Dead
-It's a Somewhat Acceptable Life
-Crazy Carl: Angry Lane
September 18, 2025 at 10:35 PM
First drafts:
-Call You by my Name
-12 Hangry Men
-Night of the Giving Dead
-It's a Somewhat Acceptable Life
-Crazy Carl: Angry Lane
-Call You by my Name
-12 Hangry Men
-Night of the Giving Dead
-It's a Somewhat Acceptable Life
-Crazy Carl: Angry Lane
When I launched my "Next Day Delivery" service, I didn't expect it to be an overnight success...
September 16, 2025 at 10:14 PM
When I launched my "Next Day Delivery" service, I didn't expect it to be an overnight success...
My Colombian crime syndicate was raided because of some local youth alerting the police! I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those Medellín kids!!!
September 15, 2025 at 10:46 PM
My Colombian crime syndicate was raided because of some local youth alerting the police! I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those Medellín kids!!!
September 14, 2025 at 2:16 AM
You can call me a coward, a scoundrel, or a loser, I don't care! Just don't expect me to let them into my home when they get here!
September 14, 2025 at 2:13 AM
You can call me a coward, a scoundrel, or a loser, I don't care! Just don't expect me to let them into my home when they get here!
Nobody believed me when I said that scepticism was on the rise...
September 14, 2025 at 2:08 AM
Nobody believed me when I said that scepticism was on the rise...
It takes big balls to become a Zorb salesperson...
September 14, 2025 at 2:06 AM
It takes big balls to become a Zorb salesperson...
My friend told me she wants cream cabinets in her kitchen. I just store my cream in the fridge...
September 13, 2025 at 1:04 AM
My friend told me she wants cream cabinets in her kitchen. I just store my cream in the fridge...
Straight laced
Shit faced
Shit faced
September 3, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Straight laced
Shit faced
Shit faced
Drunk people often deny that they vomited on the way home. Those are barflies' barf lies!
August 31, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Drunk people often deny that they vomited on the way home. Those are barflies' barf lies!
What is going on with these car boots? Do people get tired of them or do they break easily? Why are there so many sales for them all over the place?
August 30, 2025 at 3:27 AM
What is going on with these car boots? Do people get tired of them or do they break easily? Why are there so many sales for them all over the place?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, Flower! What are we having for dinner?
My wife: No, I said: "cauliflower"!!
My wife: No, I said: "cauliflower"!!
August 30, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, Flower! What are we having for dinner?
My wife: No, I said: "cauliflower"!!
My wife: No, I said: "cauliflower"!!
Of course, I would love to dress for the job I want, not the one I have. The problem is I'm a nude model...
August 30, 2025 at 3:18 AM
Of course, I would love to dress for the job I want, not the one I have. The problem is I'm a nude model...
When I looked outside my window, I got startled by a little bunny, hopping past it. It was a real shock and awwwwww!
August 29, 2025 at 9:28 PM
When I looked outside my window, I got startled by a little bunny, hopping past it. It was a real shock and awwwwww!
Old Mcdonald had a data farm,
A-I-A-I-O
A-I-A-I-O
August 25, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Old Mcdonald had a data farm,
A-I-A-I-O
A-I-A-I-O
That Pinocchio fella sure is nosey...
August 24, 2025 at 8:00 PM
That Pinocchio fella sure is nosey...
I'm finally old enough to take that trip I always wanted to take, I've reached pilgrim-age!
August 24, 2025 at 7:50 PM
I'm finally old enough to take that trip I always wanted to take, I've reached pilgrim-age!
How wrinkly are these Jeremys that we actually have irons for them?!
August 24, 2025 at 7:43 PM
How wrinkly are these Jeremys that we actually have irons for them?!
A barstool is a bar's tool...
August 23, 2025 at 12:08 AM
A barstool is a bar's tool...
I guess we have to call the bad part of town the streaming underbelly now, as kids don't know what a CD is anymore...
#dadjoke #ItsAStretchIKnow
#dadjoke #ItsAStretchIKnow
August 19, 2025 at 11:18 PM
I guess we have to call the bad part of town the streaming underbelly now, as kids don't know what a CD is anymore...
#dadjoke #ItsAStretchIKnow
#dadjoke #ItsAStretchIKnow
If you like pina coladas AND getting caught in the rain, might I suggest a trip to the Dublin outdoor cocktail festival next October?
August 19, 2025 at 11:11 PM
If you like pina coladas AND getting caught in the rain, might I suggest a trip to the Dublin outdoor cocktail festival next October?