Faced with death in many ways everyday i have long grown tired of the rules of "life". who you CAN be. who you could NEVER be. what you were BORN as, these just inform me. even if i couldnt control how the dice rolled, i can cheat my way into getting what i want.

there is no correct line to follow, we are all guilty, there is no way to ease my suffering atm, and if i try, you'll all be the first to hurt me, liberals hate this.

acknowledge me like the dangerous vengeful spirit of a little girl only written about in old books . like a prized throphy . like a legend. oh? asayrola? its sitting in my lap rn. shes adorable like this.

She is the universal pronoun, works always, and It is like, technically always works but it only hits when my nonhuman-ness is being acknowledged, which never happens to me..
It/its is also very feminine for me like im just trying to convay im a strange nonhuman-spirit-wolf-cat-??girl

I literally want to blow my head off the moment i start interacting with other people everyday. i hate getting hit with bullshit this early.

Im more interested in the complexity of the soul and finding a way to heal myself from ~giant pile of dysphoric trauma~ because i know i am so much more than just this. This cant be all i am. To think its Fate i will always be held down by some random genetic pull just doesnt sit right with me.

I think Big Questions of what is God are left unanswered for a reason.. speculating feels like im trying to walk into a room i really shouldnt be.. if i could see ~it~, i wouldnt get it, or something.

my thoughts are not too coherent right now but.. my soul is too complex and far removed from the physical body for there not to be something bigger at play here. This shit does not make sense, perhaps its not supposed to.

im so desperate for this to not be the end and so adamant that all my suffering is not in vain or without purpose that im starting to believe in some kind of god