Julia Scotti
@juliascotti1.bsky.social
Nationally headlining comedian. AGT quarter-finalist, featured on Showtime's "More Funny Women of a Certain Age" Dry Bar special, "Jersey Fresh"
Explain to me how I can remember the lyrics to the “12 days of Christmas,” but not where I put my phone.
December 4, 2025 at 2:40 PM
Explain to me how I can remember the lyrics to the “12 days of Christmas,” but not where I put my phone.
I look horrible when I wake up.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
December 3, 2025 at 10:44 AM
I look horrible when I wake up.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
This morning my facial ID asked for more information.
Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and may your holidays be filled with love and regularity.
November 27, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving and may your holidays be filled with love and regularity.
What if Ringo was known for wearing cowboy chaps instead of rings.
Would he have been known as Chapo?
Would he have been known as Chapo?
November 27, 2025 at 3:17 AM
What if Ringo was known for wearing cowboy chaps instead of rings.
Would he have been known as Chapo?
Would he have been known as Chapo?
This just arrived in today’s mail. It’s from a local funeral home. Someone needs to talk to their marketing department.
November 25, 2025 at 6:55 PM
This just arrived in today’s mail. It’s from a local funeral home. Someone needs to talk to their marketing department.
I can't help thinking that
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
November 24, 2025 at 8:42 PM
I can't help thinking that
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
"Quiet, Piggy!" was what his mother and father yelled at him at the dinner table.
I hope my $2,000
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
November 24, 2025 at 6:22 PM
I hope my $2,000
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
Check gets here soon. I am running low on coffee.
If I had been around when Marie Antoinettes said, “Let them eat cake,”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
November 24, 2025 at 1:07 PM
If I had been around when Marie Antoinettes said, “Let them eat cake,”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
I would have risen up defiantly and screamed,
“I can’t have carbs! Are you trying to kill me?”
Low ticket Availability Alert!
November 21, 2025 at 4:07 PM
Low ticket Availability Alert!
So, He wasn't invited to Cheney's funeral.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
November 20, 2025 at 4:13 PM
So, He wasn't invited to Cheney's funeral.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
Expect a sizzling tweet soon telling them that they won't be invited to his either.
This Saturday!!! Tickets? Tickets? Who's got the tickets? We do! Not too many left. Get yours today! www.act2.org
November 19, 2025 at 1:18 PM
This Saturday!!! Tickets? Tickets? Who's got the tickets? We do! Not too many left. Get yours today! www.act2.org
Is the Lame Duck
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
November 18, 2025 at 11:25 PM
Is the Lame Duck
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
“Quacking Up?”
I’ll see myself out.
Dick Van Dyke Show fans. I just realized that the name of fictional late night talk show host Stevie Parsons, was a combination of Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson.
November 17, 2025 at 3:17 AM
Dick Van Dyke Show fans. I just realized that the name of fictional late night talk show host Stevie Parsons, was a combination of Steve Allen, Jack Paar and Johnny Carson.
Things to do on Sunday morning.
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
November 16, 2025 at 3:53 PM
Things to do on Sunday morning.
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
1. Sleep late
2. Stay in your pajamas all day
3. GET TICKETS FOR OUR NOVEMBER 22, SHOW WHILE THEY LAST!
www.act2.org
So il Nonno Pazzo has withdrawn his support of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Wait...does that mean she's on our side now? And if so, how long before this LSD leaves my system?
November 15, 2025 at 2:23 PM
So il Nonno Pazzo has withdrawn his support of Marjorie Taylor Greene. Wait...does that mean she's on our side now? And if so, how long before this LSD leaves my system?
We're in the height of deer rutting season. At least 3 times a day I see an antlered buck chasing a doe through my yard. Last week I saw two bucks fighting. I couldn't help myself. I opened the window and yelled, "Hey, do you two bucks need change?"
I'll show myself out.
I'll show myself out.
November 14, 2025 at 4:16 PM
We're in the height of deer rutting season. At least 3 times a day I see an antlered buck chasing a doe through my yard. Last week I saw two bucks fighting. I couldn't help myself. I opened the window and yelled, "Hey, do you two bucks need change?"
I'll show myself out.
I'll show myself out.
Only 8 more days! Did you get your tickets yet? Score some at www.act2.org
November 14, 2025 at 1:27 PM
Only 8 more days! Did you get your tickets yet? Score some at www.act2.org
9 days till the big show. Right? 9 days? Are we counting today? Because if we aren't then it's 8 days. Does it really matter? If you have your tickets, your worries are over!
Well get your tickets if you haven't done so. www.act2.org
Well get your tickets if you haven't done so. www.act2.org
November 13, 2025 at 12:13 PM
9 days till the big show. Right? 9 days? Are we counting today? Because if we aren't then it's 8 days. Does it really matter? If you have your tickets, your worries are over!
Well get your tickets if you haven't done so. www.act2.org
Well get your tickets if you haven't done so. www.act2.org
Not this time, Kim.
November 10, 2025 at 2:59 PM
Not this time, Kim.
13 days till the show! Have you gotten your tickets? www.act2.org
November 9, 2025 at 9:54 PM
13 days till the show! Have you gotten your tickets? www.act2.org
NOVEMBER 20TH JUST ADDED! HAMMONTON, NJ!
7pm
Sharrot Winery
370 S. Harbor Road, Hammonton, NJ
7pm
Sharrot Winery
370 S. Harbor Road, Hammonton, NJ
November 7, 2025 at 5:53 PM
NOVEMBER 20TH JUST ADDED! HAMMONTON, NJ!
7pm
Sharrot Winery
370 S. Harbor Road, Hammonton, NJ
7pm
Sharrot Winery
370 S. Harbor Road, Hammonton, NJ
I'm a product of an old-school Catholic grammar school education, or as we like to refer to it,
"The Guilted Age."
"The Guilted Age."
November 7, 2025 at 1:04 PM
I'm a product of an old-school Catholic grammar school education, or as we like to refer to it,
"The Guilted Age."
"The Guilted Age."
Today would have been one of my wedding anniversaries.
The blessing of old age is that I can't remember which marriage.
The blessing of old age is that I can't remember which marriage.
November 6, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Today would have been one of my wedding anniversaries.
The blessing of old age is that I can't remember which marriage.
The blessing of old age is that I can't remember which marriage.
Tickets available at www.act2.org
GET YOURS TODAY!
GET YOURS TODAY!
November 6, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Tickets available at www.act2.org
GET YOURS TODAY!
GET YOURS TODAY!
Governor Mikie!!!
November 5, 2025 at 2:34 AM
Governor Mikie!!!