I dunno. I'm just writing to write. It feels good to get stuff off my chest, even if I'm yelling into the void. It just feels so lonely, living like this.

I really wanted to trade bracelets, but got way too nervous about it. I ended up giving a bracelet to someone I sat next to- but could barely talk to them, so that's been a source of rumination. I hate my awkwardness. They seemed cool though. Honestly everyone was so cool. It felt like a holiday.

And it went great. The workers there that I encountered were kind to me, which I'm grateful for. The fact that the concert went without incident? And that it was the best show of my entire life, one of my favorite times ever? It was magical, and felt like such a massive win.

I've been making progress, and for that I'm happy. Posting on social media is hard for me. The fact that I went to the MCR concert was HUGE. I almost sold my tickets a few weeks before, I was convinced I'd "fail" it as a social encounter. I spent hours researching Fenway, checking the rules...

For so long, I had no idea why my brain worked the way it did. It felt isolating, trying to describe my thought patterns and being described as an over-thinking anxious freak. OCD is so misunderstood, and it makes me nervous to bring it up to anyone around me. The social and moral aspects are tough.

Even just posting about it is hard. I checked these posts over a dozen time. I really struggle with text because I just re-read it over and over again, until I'm so convinced there's something wrong with what I've written that I can't send it at all. Talking aloud is hard too, I just shut down.