My 8 year old had 2 friends sleep over last night so now there’s 12 loose bandaids floating around the house.

#funny #comedy #jokes #findingsasquatch

I just called the police to get a wellness check on my dad because he sent two “LOL” texts in a row.

If you need me I’ll be at the museum for 4-6 hours using my imagination.

If the Epstein list is anything like a Top 10 Comedians To Watch list there’s going to be a lot people upset they weren’t considered.

I think it would be neat if some people wanted to follow me.

My 3-year-old just walked in while I was changing and called me “steak nips”.

So, that’s what I’ll be thinking about for the rest of the month.