JP Stewart
@jpstewartwrites.bsky.social
Novelist | Anime and genre liker | I write words until they get gooder.
I sort of miss when it about a small town cop struggling to solve a case, a group of kids investigating a supernatural mystery, and Winona Ryder slowly losing her mind trying to find her lost son.
When did it get so big, loud, and silly?
When did it get so big, loud, and silly?
December 27, 2025 at 9:02 PM
I sort of miss when it about a small town cop struggling to solve a case, a group of kids investigating a supernatural mystery, and Winona Ryder slowly losing her mind trying to find her lost son.
When did it get so big, loud, and silly?
When did it get so big, loud, and silly?
I can't explain it but canonically in my head I expected Elrond to say
"Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson."
"Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson."
a man with long hair is holding a book and says `` welcome to rivendell , mr . anderson '' .
ALT: a man with long hair is holding a book and says `` welcome to rivendell , mr . anderson '' .
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December 26, 2025 at 9:28 PM
I can't explain it but canonically in my head I expected Elrond to say
"Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson."
"Welcome to Rivendell, Mr. Anderson."
6 7 is annoying.
But 6x7 = 42.
And 42 is...
Oh shit.
But 6x7 = 42.
And 42 is...
Oh shit.
December 26, 2025 at 8:27 PM
6 7 is annoying.
But 6x7 = 42.
And 42 is...
Oh shit.
But 6x7 = 42.
And 42 is...
Oh shit.
It's Christmas. My family and I are annoyingly on the same page about most things so we don't really argue... so
I think Aliens is objectively the best film ever made.
Terry Pratchett might just be, pound for pound, the world's greatest ever writer.
Die Hard is a fucking xmas movie.
Fight. Me.
I think Aliens is objectively the best film ever made.
Terry Pratchett might just be, pound for pound, the world's greatest ever writer.
Die Hard is a fucking xmas movie.
Fight. Me.
December 26, 2025 at 8:07 PM
It's Christmas. My family and I are annoyingly on the same page about most things so we don't really argue... so
I think Aliens is objectively the best film ever made.
Terry Pratchett might just be, pound for pound, the world's greatest ever writer.
Die Hard is a fucking xmas movie.
Fight. Me.
I think Aliens is objectively the best film ever made.
Terry Pratchett might just be, pound for pound, the world's greatest ever writer.
Die Hard is a fucking xmas movie.
Fight. Me.
The Christmas Eve film is E.T.
It's always a bit wobbly to introduce your kids to films you grew up with. There's a worry they'll have dated or won't click with the young'uns.
Oh no no. You'd be pleasantly surprised how quick 7YO and 4YO locked the fuck in with this story.
This will be special.
It's always a bit wobbly to introduce your kids to films you grew up with. There's a worry they'll have dated or won't click with the young'uns.
Oh no no. You'd be pleasantly surprised how quick 7YO and 4YO locked the fuck in with this story.
This will be special.
a man standing next to an alien in a dark room with the words charly tic tac at the bottom
ALT: a man standing next to an alien in a dark room with the words charly tic tac at the bottom
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December 24, 2025 at 4:38 PM
The Christmas Eve film is E.T.
It's always a bit wobbly to introduce your kids to films you grew up with. There's a worry they'll have dated or won't click with the young'uns.
Oh no no. You'd be pleasantly surprised how quick 7YO and 4YO locked the fuck in with this story.
This will be special.
It's always a bit wobbly to introduce your kids to films you grew up with. There's a worry they'll have dated or won't click with the young'uns.
Oh no no. You'd be pleasantly surprised how quick 7YO and 4YO locked the fuck in with this story.
This will be special.
This might sound crazy but I really do firmly believe that if they were to spawn in the department store at the end of his film that Stripe (the lead gremlin) could take on a Terminator in a fight and win.
Yes, even a T-1000.
🧵
Yes, even a T-1000.
🧵
a couple of gremlins singing christmas carols with the words merry christmas in the background .
ALT: a couple of gremlins singing christmas carols with the words merry christmas in the background .
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December 23, 2025 at 7:48 PM
This might sound crazy but I really do firmly believe that if they were to spawn in the department store at the end of his film that Stripe (the lead gremlin) could take on a Terminator in a fight and win.
Yes, even a T-1000.
🧵
Yes, even a T-1000.
🧵
I really like Pluribus but I hope as it goes on Carol starts asking the questions my brain wants answers to.
Are the humans still in their own heads aware of what's happening or are they functionally comatose? Are they functionally dead?
🧵
Are the humans still in their own heads aware of what's happening or are they functionally comatose? Are they functionally dead?
🧵
December 23, 2025 at 7:08 PM
I really like Pluribus but I hope as it goes on Carol starts asking the questions my brain wants answers to.
Are the humans still in their own heads aware of what's happening or are they functionally comatose? Are they functionally dead?
🧵
Are the humans still in their own heads aware of what's happening or are they functionally comatose? Are they functionally dead?
🧵
Played chess with the 4YO.
4YO: Checkmate.
Me: How?
4YO: my queen got you.
Me: How? She's on the opposite side of the board?
4YO: She has a gun.
And then she does this at me:
4YO: Checkmate.
Me: How?
4YO: my queen got you.
Me: How? She's on the opposite side of the board?
4YO: She has a gun.
And then she does this at me:
a man in a suit is giving a thumbs up
ALT: a man in a suit is giving a thumbs up
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December 23, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Played chess with the 4YO.
4YO: Checkmate.
Me: How?
4YO: my queen got you.
Me: How? She's on the opposite side of the board?
4YO: She has a gun.
And then she does this at me:
4YO: Checkmate.
Me: How?
4YO: my queen got you.
Me: How? She's on the opposite side of the board?
4YO: She has a gun.
And then she does this at me:
You know it's a good storm when the shed blows away.
Bye, shed. You're defying gravity now.
Bye, shed. You're defying gravity now.
a black and white photo of a person laying on a bed with a house in the background .
ALT: a black and white photo of a person laying on a bed with a house in the background .
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December 9, 2025 at 5:19 PM
You know it's a good storm when the shed blows away.
Bye, shed. You're defying gravity now.
Bye, shed. You're defying gravity now.
"We need you to train these people on a new IT system!"
"Awesome. Which system?"
"It's not built yet!"
"Is there a test version?"
"No!"
"Right. When does the training need to happen?"
"Monday!"
"Well...sure why not? Are they aware they have to go to training?"
"Yes and they're very annoyed!"
"Awesome. Which system?"
"It's not built yet!"
"Is there a test version?"
"No!"
"Right. When does the training need to happen?"
"Monday!"
"Well...sure why not? Are they aware they have to go to training?"
"Yes and they're very annoyed!"
snow white from snow white and the seven dwarfs is standing in a prison cell with a jail cell behind her .
ALT: snow white from snow white and the seven dwarfs is standing in a prison cell with a jail cell behind her .
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December 7, 2025 at 8:59 PM
"We need you to train these people on a new IT system!"
"Awesome. Which system?"
"It's not built yet!"
"Is there a test version?"
"No!"
"Right. When does the training need to happen?"
"Monday!"
"Well...sure why not? Are they aware they have to go to training?"
"Yes and they're very annoyed!"
"Awesome. Which system?"
"It's not built yet!"
"Is there a test version?"
"No!"
"Right. When does the training need to happen?"
"Monday!"
"Well...sure why not? Are they aware they have to go to training?"
"Yes and they're very annoyed!"
If you see this, repost with your model of positive masculinity
December 6, 2025 at 6:13 PM
If you see this, repost with your model of positive masculinity
This wee picture makes me happy and nostalgic.
IYKYK. 👍☝️🤘👆👎
@cookiem72.bsky.social @austrianspencer.bsky.social @annie-atkin.bsky.social
IYKYK. 👍☝️🤘👆👎
@cookiem72.bsky.social @austrianspencer.bsky.social @annie-atkin.bsky.social
December 6, 2025 at 6:08 PM
This wee picture makes me happy and nostalgic.
IYKYK. 👍☝️🤘👆👎
@cookiem72.bsky.social @austrianspencer.bsky.social @annie-atkin.bsky.social
IYKYK. 👍☝️🤘👆👎
@cookiem72.bsky.social @austrianspencer.bsky.social @annie-atkin.bsky.social
"Hi, we attempted delivery today, but you weren't home..."
a man is making a funny face and says `` liar ! ''
ALT: a man is making a funny face and says `` liar ! ''
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September 3, 2025 at 7:57 AM
"Hi, we attempted delivery today, but you weren't home..."
I have a friend who until the age of 22 was convinced ducks were fish.
She had a Masters degree at the time.
I just think that's funny.
Quack
She had a Masters degree at the time.
I just think that's funny.
Quack
March 4, 2025 at 8:22 PM
I have a friend who until the age of 22 was convinced ducks were fish.
She had a Masters degree at the time.
I just think that's funny.
Quack
She had a Masters degree at the time.
I just think that's funny.
Quack
The 7YO is teaching the 3YO how to play chess but they've invented the concept of chess friendly-fire where you can carve a path through your own pieces if you want but those pieces get sacrificed and frankly it should be added to the game proper fight me.
February 13, 2025 at 10:25 AM
The 7YO is teaching the 3YO how to play chess but they've invented the concept of chess friendly-fire where you can carve a path through your own pieces if you want but those pieces get sacrificed and frankly it should be added to the game proper fight me.
Me: *edits manuscript I first drafted almost 8 years ago looking to spruce up the dialogue
Me: *Reads the dialogue
Also Me: "Fucking hell I was watching way too much Marvel in 2017."
Me: *Reads the dialogue
Also Me: "Fucking hell I was watching way too much Marvel in 2017."
a man in a captain america costume is asking if everything is a joke to you .
ALT: a man in a captain america costume is asking if everything is a joke to you .
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February 3, 2025 at 4:14 PM
Me: *edits manuscript I first drafted almost 8 years ago looking to spruce up the dialogue
Me: *Reads the dialogue
Also Me: "Fucking hell I was watching way too much Marvel in 2017."
Me: *Reads the dialogue
Also Me: "Fucking hell I was watching way too much Marvel in 2017."
After 3 years of work on this trilogy of books we finally got that email from the editor / press.
"Final touches. In two weeks we're done. Let's get these out."
"Final touches. In two weeks we're done. Let's get these out."
a little girl in a yellow jacket is making a funny face in a crowd
ALT: a little girl in a yellow jacket is making a funny face in a crowd
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January 21, 2025 at 8:12 PM
After 3 years of work on this trilogy of books we finally got that email from the editor / press.
"Final touches. In two weeks we're done. Let's get these out."
"Final touches. In two weeks we're done. Let's get these out."
Her: What are you thinking about?
Me: Nothing.
Her: No, really.
Me: Nope. Nothing. I swear.
My Brain: WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO, IF HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW? I'M SURE HE'D KICK AN ASS OR TWO, THAT'S WHAT BRIAN BOITANO'D DO!
Me: Nothing.
Her: No, really.
Me: Nope. Nothing. I swear.
My Brain: WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO, IF HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW? I'M SURE HE'D KICK AN ASS OR TWO, THAT'S WHAT BRIAN BOITANO'D DO!
November 28, 2024 at 8:25 AM
Her: What are you thinking about?
Me: Nothing.
Her: No, really.
Me: Nope. Nothing. I swear.
My Brain: WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO, IF HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW? I'M SURE HE'D KICK AN ASS OR TWO, THAT'S WHAT BRIAN BOITANO'D DO!
Me: Nothing.
Her: No, really.
Me: Nope. Nothing. I swear.
My Brain: WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO, IF HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW? I'M SURE HE'D KICK AN ASS OR TWO, THAT'S WHAT BRIAN BOITANO'D DO!
Rose wasn't red
The TARDIS is blue
Matt Smith's coming back
To Doctor Who.
(I'm trying to manifest things shut up)
The TARDIS is blue
Matt Smith's coming back
To Doctor Who.
(I'm trying to manifest things shut up)
a man in a suit and bow tie talking to another man
ALT: a man in a suit and bow tie talking to another man
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November 27, 2024 at 10:10 PM
Rose wasn't red
The TARDIS is blue
Matt Smith's coming back
To Doctor Who.
(I'm trying to manifest things shut up)
The TARDIS is blue
Matt Smith's coming back
To Doctor Who.
(I'm trying to manifest things shut up)
"Roman is my friend. He didn't hit me."
"There's a spider! I promise not to make him dead."
"It's going dark outside, and that means it's nighttime, and I don't like the moon it's too bright."
"You have hair so you're a boy."
Things the 3YO says.
"There's a spider! I promise not to make him dead."
"It's going dark outside, and that means it's nighttime, and I don't like the moon it's too bright."
"You have hair so you're a boy."
Things the 3YO says.
November 18, 2024 at 9:14 PM
"Roman is my friend. He didn't hit me."
"There's a spider! I promise not to make him dead."
"It's going dark outside, and that means it's nighttime, and I don't like the moon it's too bright."
"You have hair so you're a boy."
Things the 3YO says.
"There's a spider! I promise not to make him dead."
"It's going dark outside, and that means it's nighttime, and I don't like the moon it's too bright."
"You have hair so you're a boy."
Things the 3YO says.
There are 2 types of people in the world
People who feel a sneeze coming on, lean in, and go for it
And people who are lying to you about who they really are
People who feel a sneeze coming on, lean in, and go for it
And people who are lying to you about who they really are
a baby elephant is sitting on a white towel with its trunk out .
ALT: a baby elephant is sitting on a white towel with its trunk out .
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November 17, 2024 at 10:41 AM
There are 2 types of people in the world
People who feel a sneeze coming on, lean in, and go for it
And people who are lying to you about who they really are
People who feel a sneeze coming on, lean in, and go for it
And people who are lying to you about who they really are
This is an algorithm post but also just a friendly self indulgent about me post.
Reading: Winds of Desolation
Watching: Bad Sisters (it's daft, but it's irish and has great characters)
Listening to: Oasis, ahead of the big thing.
Playing: Tales of Arise. Bless, it's simple fun.
Have that.
Reading: Winds of Desolation
Watching: Bad Sisters (it's daft, but it's irish and has great characters)
Listening to: Oasis, ahead of the big thing.
Playing: Tales of Arise. Bless, it's simple fun.
Have that.
November 15, 2024 at 9:02 PM
This is an algorithm post but also just a friendly self indulgent about me post.
Reading: Winds of Desolation
Watching: Bad Sisters (it's daft, but it's irish and has great characters)
Listening to: Oasis, ahead of the big thing.
Playing: Tales of Arise. Bless, it's simple fun.
Have that.
Reading: Winds of Desolation
Watching: Bad Sisters (it's daft, but it's irish and has great characters)
Listening to: Oasis, ahead of the big thing.
Playing: Tales of Arise. Bless, it's simple fun.
Have that.
Roses are red
Bacon is red
Poems are hard
Bacon 🥓
Bacon is red
Poems are hard
Bacon 🥓
November 15, 2024 at 11:51 AM
Roses are red
Bacon is red
Poems are hard
Bacon 🥓
Bacon is red
Poems are hard
Bacon 🥓
I've been trying to fake til I make it for about 15 years now and I've accidentally made myself important on a big project and now I might have to actually make it.
Is this the way it goes? When does the imposter thing go away?
Is this the way it goes? When does the imposter thing go away?
a woman is smiling in front of a help me mug
ALT: a woman is smiling in front of a help me mug
media.tenor.com
November 14, 2024 at 9:14 AM
I've been trying to fake til I make it for about 15 years now and I've accidentally made myself important on a big project and now I might have to actually make it.
Is this the way it goes? When does the imposter thing go away?
Is this the way it goes? When does the imposter thing go away?
The old place was a bit of a nasty battleground over shows maybe weren't so good. So here's some great shows that I heartedly recommend
🐧The Penguin
🇺🇲The Diplomat
👧Bad Sisters
🔫Monsters
🧠Severance
🩸Only Murders in the Building
🏫The Gentlemen
🦸♂️Invincible
🐲Vox Machina
😈Demon Slayer
🎠Slow Horses
🐧The Penguin
🇺🇲The Diplomat
👧Bad Sisters
🔫Monsters
🧠Severance
🩸Only Murders in the Building
🏫The Gentlemen
🦸♂️Invincible
🐲Vox Machina
😈Demon Slayer
🎠Slow Horses
November 13, 2024 at 9:12 PM
The old place was a bit of a nasty battleground over shows maybe weren't so good. So here's some great shows that I heartedly recommend
🐧The Penguin
🇺🇲The Diplomat
👧Bad Sisters
🔫Monsters
🧠Severance
🩸Only Murders in the Building
🏫The Gentlemen
🦸♂️Invincible
🐲Vox Machina
😈Demon Slayer
🎠Slow Horses
🐧The Penguin
🇺🇲The Diplomat
👧Bad Sisters
🔫Monsters
🧠Severance
🩸Only Murders in the Building
🏫The Gentlemen
🦸♂️Invincible
🐲Vox Machina
😈Demon Slayer
🎠Slow Horses