Don’t really consider myself a cynical person, but my response to this news is basically, ‘of course they did.’
July 1, 2024 at 7:32 PM
Don’t really consider myself a cynical person, but my response to this news is basically, ‘of course they did.’
Very considerate of all these people at the beach to fly flags that basically say ‘we’re terrible people, you should probably avoid us.’
June 30, 2024 at 5:51 AM
Very considerate of all these people at the beach to fly flags that basically say ‘we’re terrible people, you should probably avoid us.’
Debate moderator: candidates, where do you stand on the issue of having all mainline Mario games offer the option to instead play as Luigi with customized Luigi content?
June 25, 2024 at 7:21 PM
Debate moderator: candidates, where do you stand on the issue of having all mainline Mario games offer the option to instead play as Luigi with customized Luigi content?
Her: it’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t
Me: so you’re saying they’re both satan?
Me: so you’re saying they’re both satan?
May 17, 2024 at 4:09 PM
Her: it’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t
Me: so you’re saying they’re both satan?
Me: so you’re saying they’re both satan?
Wife, to kids: you guys can grow up and do literally anything you want to do!
Me: except be a fucking cop
Me: except be a fucking cop
April 24, 2024 at 7:43 PM
Wife, to kids: you guys can grow up and do literally anything you want to do!
Me: except be a fucking cop
Me: except be a fucking cop
New Planet of the Apes movies are great bc it’s a billion dollar franchise about how humans are terrible and irredeemable.
April 21, 2024 at 9:22 PM
New Planet of the Apes movies are great bc it’s a billion dollar franchise about how humans are terrible and irredeemable.
What’s the German word for when you’re super excited to read something but then it starts with an anecdote about birdwatching?
March 12, 2024 at 8:18 PM
What’s the German word for when you’re super excited to read something but then it starts with an anecdote about birdwatching?
There should be a proto-Columbo story where he solves a murder in the marine corps or something.
February 2, 2024 at 12:41 AM
There should be a proto-Columbo story where he solves a murder in the marine corps or something.
My fiscal policy is a simple one: if you are a billionaire I will tax you until you aren’t anymore.
January 7, 2024 at 1:23 AM
My fiscal policy is a simple one: if you are a billionaire I will tax you until you aren’t anymore.
‘The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.’ -J.B.S. Haldane
December 30, 2023 at 11:12 PM
‘The universe is not only queerer than we suppose, but queerer than we can suppose.’ -J.B.S. Haldane
Wife in BMW commercial shows husband new car with giant bow Christmas morning.
TV Husband: oh my goodness I am overjoyed
Me: wtf, you spent $80k without talking to me
TV Husband: oh my goodness I am overjoyed
Me: wtf, you spent $80k without talking to me
December 25, 2023 at 6:23 AM
Wife in BMW commercial shows husband new car with giant bow Christmas morning.
TV Husband: oh my goodness I am overjoyed
Me: wtf, you spent $80k without talking to me
TV Husband: oh my goodness I am overjoyed
Me: wtf, you spent $80k without talking to me
‘There are no vital and significant forms of art; there is only art, and precious little of that.’ -R. Chandler
December 19, 2023 at 5:31 PM
‘There are no vital and significant forms of art; there is only art, and precious little of that.’ -R. Chandler
Considering applying to grad school at Yale just to see what happens.
December 15, 2023 at 1:18 AM
Considering applying to grad school at Yale just to see what happens.
At the opera to see Pagliacci. It’s pretty good but the lack of hot dog vendors seems like a missed opportunity.
November 5, 2023 at 1:44 AM
At the opera to see Pagliacci. It’s pretty good but the lack of hot dog vendors seems like a missed opportunity.
Noir November Challenge: watch a film noir each day.
Day 1: Panic in the Streets
Day 1: Panic in the Streets
November 2, 2023 at 3:14 AM
Noir November Challenge: watch a film noir each day.
Day 1: Panic in the Streets
Day 1: Panic in the Streets
Halloween: me passing out candy in my clothes from work and mumbling ‘the horrors of middle age’
November 1, 2023 at 2:17 AM
Halloween: me passing out candy in my clothes from work and mumbling ‘the horrors of middle age’
Read all of Moby Dick in high school to find the passage Patrick Stewart quoted in First Contact. Turns out they just made it up.
October 29, 2023 at 7:54 PM
Read all of Moby Dick in high school to find the passage Patrick Stewart quoted in First Contact. Turns out they just made it up.
She calls it a dadbod but it’s more like a busted can of pillsbury biscuits.
October 28, 2023 at 11:39 PM
She calls it a dadbod but it’s more like a busted can of pillsbury biscuits.
Look I hate audiobooks BUT Werner Herzog reading his own biography is a must.
October 27, 2023 at 6:00 PM
Look I hate audiobooks BUT Werner Herzog reading his own biography is a must.
It shouldn’t have to happen to you for you to care about it.
October 26, 2023 at 4:46 PM
It shouldn’t have to happen to you for you to care about it.
Working in fine dining and waiting on rich people will erase any delusions that we live in a meritocracy.
October 24, 2023 at 10:49 PM
Working in fine dining and waiting on rich people will erase any delusions that we live in a meritocracy.
Me: true serenity comes from surrendering that which you cannot control
Also me: these baseball players who are younger and richer than me have full control over my mood…and it’s not looking good
#astros
Also me: these baseball players who are younger and richer than me have full control over my mood…and it’s not looking good
#astros
October 24, 2023 at 1:37 AM
Me: true serenity comes from surrendering that which you cannot control
Also me: these baseball players who are younger and richer than me have full control over my mood…and it’s not looking good
#astros
Also me: these baseball players who are younger and richer than me have full control over my mood…and it’s not looking good
#astros
Two little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said
‘Damn it, woman, I told you 3 monkeys ago what to do. I’m calling CPS’
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said
‘Damn it, woman, I told you 3 monkeys ago what to do. I’m calling CPS’
October 23, 2023 at 3:42 PM
Two little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said
‘Damn it, woman, I told you 3 monkeys ago what to do. I’m calling CPS’
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama called the doctor and the doctor said
‘Damn it, woman, I told you 3 monkeys ago what to do. I’m calling CPS’
