John Larson
@johndlarson.bsky.social
I understand that, used responsibly, Elden Ring has been safely enjoyed by millions. But we must admit the harm that it has caused to shoulders and lower backs: tense yet also slouched for hours, the posture requiree to seek the Elden Throne is grueling.
December 27, 2025 at 8:39 PM
I understand that, used responsibly, Elden Ring has been safely enjoyed by millions. But we must admit the harm that it has caused to shoulders and lower backs: tense yet also slouched for hours, the posture requiree to seek the Elden Throne is grueling.
I've resolved, apparently, to not even be embarrassed about Halloween creep this year. It's not even October and I've had only pumpkin-colored beverages for weeks now.
September 20, 2025 at 4:41 PM
I've resolved, apparently, to not even be embarrassed about Halloween creep this year. It's not even October and I've had only pumpkin-colored beverages for weeks now.
Dentist: Just be still; the x-ray will only take about ten seconds.
Me: *realizes I have never spent ten sustained seconds not vibrating wildly*
Me: *realizes I have never spent ten sustained seconds not vibrating wildly*
July 21, 2025 at 8:20 PM
Dentist: Just be still; the x-ray will only take about ten seconds.
Me: *realizes I have never spent ten sustained seconds not vibrating wildly*
Me: *realizes I have never spent ten sustained seconds not vibrating wildly*
In this entry of my newsletter, I meander around the motion of killing one's darlings purely as an excuse to quote Raymond Chandler's prose a bunch: jdlarson.substack.com/p/the-simple...
The Simple Art of Murdering Darlings
Raymond Chandler, Style, and Revision’s Strange Sins
jdlarson.substack.com
July 14, 2025 at 5:30 PM
In this entry of my newsletter, I meander around the motion of killing one's darlings purely as an excuse to quote Raymond Chandler's prose a bunch: jdlarson.substack.com/p/the-simple...
Me: Nobody notices or thinks about you as much as your anxiety believes.
My barista, just now: I know the face of every person that walks into this cafe and orders *tea*.
My barista, just now: I know the face of every person that walks into this cafe and orders *tea*.
July 8, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Me: Nobody notices or thinks about you as much as your anxiety believes.
My barista, just now: I know the face of every person that walks into this cafe and orders *tea*.
My barista, just now: I know the face of every person that walks into this cafe and orders *tea*.
Them: What a cute mug! I'd love my coffee in that.
Me: Ye-es. You can have your coffee in... in my favorite mug.
Them: Mmm. Thank you! This is delicious. Do you have cream, though?
Me: No you're doing it wrong. Stop that. She doesn't like her handle touched.
Me: Ye-es. You can have your coffee in... in my favorite mug.
Them: Mmm. Thank you! This is delicious. Do you have cream, though?
Me: No you're doing it wrong. Stop that. She doesn't like her handle touched.
June 21, 2025 at 6:54 PM
Them: What a cute mug! I'd love my coffee in that.
Me: Ye-es. You can have your coffee in... in my favorite mug.
Them: Mmm. Thank you! This is delicious. Do you have cream, though?
Me: No you're doing it wrong. Stop that. She doesn't like her handle touched.
Me: Ye-es. You can have your coffee in... in my favorite mug.
Them: Mmm. Thank you! This is delicious. Do you have cream, though?
Me: No you're doing it wrong. Stop that. She doesn't like her handle touched.
Considering new pronouns of she/her/azade
June 16, 2025 at 4:43 PM
Considering new pronouns of she/her/azade
My partner: don't forget to wear sunscreen and write the name of your emergency contact inside your arm!
Me: Okay, MOM. Calm down, I'll be fine.
Me, later: shit i forgot sunscreen
Me: Okay, MOM. Calm down, I'll be fine.
Me, later: shit i forgot sunscreen
June 14, 2025 at 6:48 PM
My partner: don't forget to wear sunscreen and write the name of your emergency contact inside your arm!
Me: Okay, MOM. Calm down, I'll be fine.
Me, later: shit i forgot sunscreen
Me: Okay, MOM. Calm down, I'll be fine.
Me, later: shit i forgot sunscreen
I've just finished Alan Wake 2. What twisty self-referential video game/FMV experiment should i play next?
*scans horizon*
Hellooooooo...?
*scans horizon*
Hellooooooo...?
June 12, 2025 at 5:40 PM
I've just finished Alan Wake 2. What twisty self-referential video game/FMV experiment should i play next?
*scans horizon*
Hellooooooo...?
*scans horizon*
Hellooooooo...?
My new life's ambition is to acquire and listen constantly to Genesis's 1986 album Invisible Touch. i have not heard it since ca. 1990 i wonder if it holds up.
May 15, 2025 at 3:25 PM
My new life's ambition is to acquire and listen constantly to Genesis's 1986 album Invisible Touch. i have not heard it since ca. 1990 i wonder if it holds up.
I began the process of revising my novel by driving to Astoria and reviewing it at Sleeper Coffee. I'm excited and optimistic! I suspect this is because any activity at Sleeper Coffee becomes thrilling and positive.
May 14, 2025 at 11:39 PM
I began the process of revising my novel by driving to Astoria and reviewing it at Sleeper Coffee. I'm excited and optimistic! I suspect this is because any activity at Sleeper Coffee becomes thrilling and positive.
I think my cat might be struggling with anxiety and also projecting his neurosis onto anyone nearby.
May 8, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I think my cat might be struggling with anxiety and also projecting his neurosis onto anyone nearby.
AI writing alt-universe fanfic.
The steaming chemistry between Jess and Nigel on that show is legendary. The way she was flighty but lovable and he was stoic and drank various teas from delicate china.
Stiffens my upper lip to think about it.
The steaming chemistry between Jess and Nigel on that show is legendary. The way she was flighty but lovable and he was stoic and drank various teas from delicate china.
Stiffens my upper lip to think about it.
May 4, 2025 at 5:31 AM
AI writing alt-universe fanfic.
The steaming chemistry between Jess and Nigel on that show is legendary. The way she was flighty but lovable and he was stoic and drank various teas from delicate china.
Stiffens my upper lip to think about it.
The steaming chemistry between Jess and Nigel on that show is legendary. The way she was flighty but lovable and he was stoic and drank various teas from delicate china.
Stiffens my upper lip to think about it.
Today's post considers how we want to feel while writing, and whether that feeling has value, then incorrectly concludes that it does not.
Shit, I gave away the end.
Shit, I gave away the end.
May 4, 2025 at 12:38 AM
Today's post considers how we want to feel while writing, and whether that feeling has value, then incorrectly concludes that it does not.
Shit, I gave away the end.
Shit, I gave away the end.
Remember: spring is the second season of folk horror. The "horror" comes from October, but the "folk" comes from May. And by "May" I mean "pole season" and by "pole" I mean go watch Wicker Man and I'll explain when you're older.
May 3, 2025 at 7:36 AM
Remember: spring is the second season of folk horror. The "horror" comes from October, but the "folk" comes from May. And by "May" I mean "pole season" and by "pole" I mean go watch Wicker Man and I'll explain when you're older.
Current mood: an entire box of Honey Bunches of Oats poured into a large bowl with chocolate milk.
May 2, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Current mood: an entire box of Honey Bunches of Oats poured into a large bowl with chocolate milk.
Looking forward to getting through peak hay fever season and into summer, where I can look forward to rocky mountain spotted fever and Eli Roth's cabin fever.
April 29, 2025 at 3:53 AM
Looking forward to getting through peak hay fever season and into summer, where I can look forward to rocky mountain spotted fever and Eli Roth's cabin fever.
Relocated box turtles will try to return their home range. If they cannot find it, they may spend the remainder of their lives wandering aimlessly, trying to find their home.
Box turtles can live over 50 years.
Box turtles can live over 50 years.
April 28, 2025 at 6:49 AM
Relocated box turtles will try to return their home range. If they cannot find it, they may spend the remainder of their lives wandering aimlessly, trying to find their home.
Box turtles can live over 50 years.
Box turtles can live over 50 years.
Friends, I hope you greet tomorrow like a medieval painting of a lion that looks like a smiling housecat, not a medieval painting of a lion that looks like a dyspeptic greyhound. Or a medieval painting of a lion with a horse body whose lush mane surrounds a child's features. Never that.
April 27, 2025 at 6:35 AM
Friends, I hope you greet tomorrow like a medieval painting of a lion that looks like a smiling housecat, not a medieval painting of a lion that looks like a dyspeptic greyhound. Or a medieval painting of a lion with a horse body whose lush mane surrounds a child's features. Never that.
I hesitate to admit this -- particularly on a public forum like there, where I'll be subject to the judgment of my peers and even strangers -- but lately I've been marginally less into Cotswold cheese.
April 25, 2025 at 10:02 PM
I hesitate to admit this -- particularly on a public forum like there, where I'll be subject to the judgment of my peers and even strangers -- but lately I've been marginally less into Cotswold cheese.
My recent entry on 90s representations of gender (in smut and literary... smut--but classy!) is a bit more personal than my usual post. But I obviously have to share it because I like the accompanying photo.
Velvet and Leather and Lesbians Oh My
Sarah Waters’s Tipping the Velvet and Carol Queen’s The Leather Daddy and the Femme
open.substack.com
April 25, 2025 at 9:12 PM
My recent entry on 90s representations of gender (in smut and literary... smut--but classy!) is a bit more personal than my usual post. But I obviously have to share it because I like the accompanying photo.