At the store today...

Wife: How much is 50% off $30?
Husband (grumbling): How should I know?

These are the people who believe drug prices can be reduced 400, 500, 600, (even 1500!) percent.

Your face when you can't remember where you hid that last #Christmas present because your kid has become a bloodhound at finding them.

Happy Birthday, #Winnie-the-Pooh! (And thank you, A.A. Milne, for shaping my understanding of kidlit half that many years ago.)

Got a message from X today. Somebody hacked into my Twitter account. That's like hacking into my bank to find out my account is closed.😆

There's an old joke:

Q: What has four eyes and can't see?
A: Mississippi.

Sometimes I look around and think a better answer is Civilization.

Plotter: My characters haven't listened to me since the outline.
Pantser: Took me 10,000 words to figure that out.
#writerslife

I live 3 hours from Canada. Canadian tourists used to flood this area. I saw a Quebec license plate yesterday, and it was like seeing a unicorn. They're gone.

Today is #impersonateauthorityday. I'm a parent. I've been doing that for years.

Thanks to everyone who came to my Punching Up Your Story workshop last night. It was fun, funny at times, and filled with lots of great questions. #easternup

Three days left to sign up for my #comedywriting workshop #forkids. Well, the workshop is not for kids. It's how to write funny books for kids -- because they are a tough audience! #EasternUp bit.ly/3ZDRKKE

Insult comics work in debasement. #humor #puns #comedy

Today was #makeabook day. Lot of people to honor there, from those who make books (authors, illustrators, editors, designers) to those they're made for (readers!). Thanks to all of you for making our world brighter.

I know my youngest meant to say, "I decline that offer," but she said, "I decline that author."

Great, I'm raising a future #literaryagent or #editor. #writingcommunity

While traveling today...

GPS: Turn right onto I-890.
My 9-year-old daughter: I-890? I'm not that hungry.

Great twist on a classic joke.

A Complete Unknown stars one of my girlfriend's favorite actors, Edward Norton, playing one of my favorite people, Pete Seeger. I guess we're going to see it!

How long do you follow your carefully constructed novel outline before you say, "Ah, I'm just pantsing this thing anyway"? #writing

A born cynic...

My 8-year-old: I like this Stewart's better than the one by our house.
Me, looking around, thinking all Stewart's Shops are the same: Why?
My 8-year-old: No Christmas decorations.

I'm working on her spirit before the letter to Santa goes out.