So basically, I think I owe your mother an apology for holding her to a 2024/2025 standard for actions taken in the 1980s that were probably more standard for that time.

Crying in front of the kids is never acceptable and I have worked hard to shield my kids from my divorce and the feelings associated with it. However, in the 80s parents did things differently than we do now, I know mine weren’t as careful as I am.

I’ve been meaning to say more. I think I made the mistake earlier of thinking of your father like a regular person and I gave him more grace than he was due.

I think I did the reverse for your mother as a result.

Maybe he should pack his mouth with mud. You know, to keep fire out

I just listened to episode 10 today. I was glad to hear Danny realize that the fact that he made that schedule was NOT a good thing. That’s not a child’s responsibility.

I hope I didn’t come across as rude! All I could think was what I would do in your father’s situation and the thing I would do is send a text to ask questions but he couldn’t do that.

The only thing he knew for sure was that his child was supposed to be at camp but wasn’t there. It’s natural that he would have questions about that.

She could have acted like this was normal and maybe you would have been annoyed at the change of plans, but you wouldn’t have been scared. When a parent seems out of control, it is terrifying for a child. You didn’t deserve to be put in that position.

It’s also NOT ok that your mother violated a court order. It’s not ok that she started screaming and carrying on. She had agency there, too. She could have given in in the moment, because I assure you that her screaming was at least as upsetting to you as anything else there.

It’s NOT ok that he didn’t stop immediately when you became upset. It’s easy to lose yourself in a moment, that should have snapped him back to reality.

You can’t trust their intentions. Maybe your mother just wanted that extra day with you or maybe she was planning to take you and leave for Mexico. Looking back, it’s easy to say she wasn’t, but how could he know that for sure?

That’s the thing, when there is a person who loves your children and hates you and also has equal rights to them, it’s hard. You will find yourself getting jealous of your time with them, because you have less of it than you once did.

Maybe, he intended to go into that parking garage and ask what happened and why you weren’t at camp. Then, as soon as your mother saw him she started screaming about kidnapping. How was he supposed to know she wasn’t intending to take you away where he’d never see you again.

So, I imagine myself in your father’s position. He expected to pick up his child from camp that day, take him to a music lesson, and take him swimming. Sounds good, right? It must have been quite the surprise to see that his child wasn’t at camp. I bet that was confusing for him.

I’ve said things I never thought I’d say and done things I never thought I’d do. Did I sit in a diner in my pajamas screaming at the top of my lungs into my phone? Sure did.

Divorce, with kids, brings out the worst in any of us. Imagine all your instincts to protect your child turned and twisted against you and, in some ways, against them.

Ok, here’s the basic idea: Neither of your parents put your needs ahead of their own.