i (don’t) know how to display “affection”.

i mean it’s so easy to perform “affection” when i just want to seem like i care more than i do.

but when i actually like and care about a person more than i wish to show, well, i get to realize how much of a fake-ass i usually am.

I’ve had a lot of crushes, but only ever confessed once.
Not because i’m afraid to, but because as their best friend, i could tell we won’t be compatible. And so i have to carry this forbidden knowledge as i pretend the feeling hasn’t been blossoming like a well-kept conservatory.

The sadder i am the happier i look.
The angrier i am the calmer i appear.

I live like i’m a spy trying to throw off someone’s game.

The more i need help the less i reach out.
The less i care the more i charm.
The closer they are to my heart the further i withdrew.

But why am i losing the game?