Jordan Windbag
jjoorrddaann.bsky.social
Jordan Windbag
@jjoorrddaann.bsky.social
I invented the slime they used on Double Dare but my piece of shit business partner took the credit and you only get one good slime in a lifetime.
I’m at the Delta SkyClub and I don’t see a single podcaster. I’m to understand that this is where they go when they travel. What gives?! I wanna tell them that I expected them to look different based on their voice! Anyway, please like and subscribe.
March 3, 2025 at 7:09 PM
Wispy blond hair, little bitty hands, rock hard steaks at Mar a Lago… you would NOT have liked me back then.
March 1, 2025 at 7:55 AM
How bout an artisanal olive oil company called “The Oilgarchy” is that something
February 25, 2025 at 9:15 PM
Meet Brian Johnson, the tech billionaire who takes thousands of pills a day in order to be completely hairless, like a dolphin wearing a Gavin Newsom wig.
January 15, 2025 at 7:34 PM
WordleBot’s like “SCALE was a good guess but LEELE would have been more efficient.” Bitch please.
December 28, 2024 at 7:19 AM
Tired: “I can’t believe Kate McKinnon is playing a man who has been in the news recently!”

Wired: “I can’t believe Bowen Yang is dressed up as an object that has been in the news recently!”

SNL you crazy geniuses you’ve done it again.
December 23, 2024 at 5:49 PM
I mean, I don’t think “eyebrows too luscious” should be a reason to deny coverage either, but I’m not gonna murder anyone over it.
December 10, 2024 at 12:11 AM
Hey I just killed you
And this is crazy
But here’s my backpack
Peak Design, baby

www.peakdesign.com/products/eve...
Everyday Backpack | Peak Design Official Site
An iconic, award-winning pack for everyday and photo carry, the all-new Everyday Backpack is built around access, organization, expansion, and protection.
www.peakdesign.com
December 9, 2024 at 11:58 PM
Every once in a while I remember that in the lighthearted Richard Pryor/Gene Wilder buddy comedy Silver Streak, the villain gets brutally decapitated by an oncoming train at the end.
December 9, 2024 at 3:40 PM
Having recently seen Saw VI, an entire movie that consists only of the torture of a healthcare executive, I absolutely condemn the United Healthcare murderer.

For his lack of creativity.
December 6, 2024 at 5:40 AM
I mean, say what you want about United Healthcare, but this was a company who was so generous that they offered to enter me into a raffle to win an iPad if I agreed to attend classes where they would teach me how to not be fat anymore.
December 6, 2024 at 5:34 AM
Find me another 320lb man who can do single-leg box jumps onto a 12” box.

No seriously, find me one. I think we could be friends. Box friends.
November 26, 2024 at 2:47 AM
After telling everyone within earshot for years and years that all I want in life is to see Paul Giamatti get pissed on, I can’t believe no one ever told me that the first 30 seconds of the pilot episode of Billions is exactly that. I know now that I’m truly on my own in this world.
November 24, 2024 at 1:27 AM
Wait, SAW VI is just a long commercial for universal healthcare? I mean, I don’t agree with everything Jigsaw does, but you gotta break some eggs, you know?
November 22, 2024 at 6:18 PM
Oh crap I was all excited to tell people I’m on Bluesky but realized I have no idea if it’s pronounced like “Blue Sky” or “Blueskie.” How’s that for my first bluesk? I hope you rebluesk me.
November 21, 2024 at 2:07 AM