My New Year’s Resolution for 2026 is leave subtle hints that I will be murdered before the year ends.

“I hope there’s no Sasquatches out here!” I yell, hoping very much that there is a Sasquatch out here.

AI girlfriends have fooled a generation of young men into thinking that women care what they think.

i want the first sip of every drink to be hot and the rest of it to be ice cold

O, to be a baby again and dream only of breasts!

She 69 on my O til I BINGO

im not sure i believe in dog years. im pretty sure theyre just quitters

my next birthday party we’re gonna hotbox under the parachute we used in gym class

Hey, if you appreciate pickled vegetables, then you’re going to like this one. Thanks guys!

“She beet on my pickle til I cabbage”

Haha! Just a funny think my friend said today as we shared a bowl of pickled vegetables. Thanks again for reading.

Christian morality is pretty self explanatory in that you find yourself needing to explain it to yourself constantly

if i see a person riding a motorcycle without a helmet, I am concerned for them. if i see a bald person riding a motorcycle without a helmet, i am somehow more concerned.

Resisting the urge to cum. Rebelling against my orgasm. I got that guerrilla grip

winding up my fist to jiggle my googly watch