Jim Rowley
@jimrowleywrites.bsky.social
Assorted clients: US Ghost Adventures, The Game Show Network, The Onion, The Trailer Park Boys, Awkward Family Photos. Novels and podcasts, too!
So glad Google Calendar reminded me today is the equinox. Almost forgot to sacrifice my firstborn to Cerunnos to ensure a prosperous harvest. Time to head to the bog!
September 22, 2025 at 8:21 PM
So glad Google Calendar reminded me today is the equinox. Almost forgot to sacrifice my firstborn to Cerunnos to ensure a prosperous harvest. Time to head to the bog!
Tesla really screwed the pooch by not calling the Cybertruck “The RhomBUS”
June 22, 2025 at 11:59 PM
Tesla really screwed the pooch by not calling the Cybertruck “The RhomBUS”
Today’s movies just don’t speak to me. I miss when movies had a message. A message like, “A biker gang came to town, but don’t worry, the sheriff is Elvis Presley.”
Can Bong Joon-ho get on that please?
Can Bong Joon-ho get on that please?
April 6, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Today’s movies just don’t speak to me. I miss when movies had a message. A message like, “A biker gang came to town, but don’t worry, the sheriff is Elvis Presley.”
Can Bong Joon-ho get on that please?
Can Bong Joon-ho get on that please?
“What if we cut Christmas back by one day. To eleven days?”
“Then do we change the song?”
“To what? ‘The Eleven Days of Christmas?”
“You’re right. That’s stupid. The song is perfect as is. People will always remember Christmas was twelve days long.”
“Great. Next problem: turtledove infestation…”
“Then do we change the song?”
“To what? ‘The Eleven Days of Christmas?”
“You’re right. That’s stupid. The song is perfect as is. People will always remember Christmas was twelve days long.”
“Great. Next problem: turtledove infestation…”
March 31, 2025 at 2:18 AM
“What if we cut Christmas back by one day. To eleven days?”
“Then do we change the song?”
“To what? ‘The Eleven Days of Christmas?”
“You’re right. That’s stupid. The song is perfect as is. People will always remember Christmas was twelve days long.”
“Great. Next problem: turtledove infestation…”
“Then do we change the song?”
“To what? ‘The Eleven Days of Christmas?”
“You’re right. That’s stupid. The song is perfect as is. People will always remember Christmas was twelve days long.”
“Great. Next problem: turtledove infestation…”
No hacker can break my passwords, because no hacker can guess that I named my firstborn child “;5dJ&i8!k;”
March 28, 2025 at 6:17 PM
No hacker can break my passwords, because no hacker can guess that I named my firstborn child “;5dJ&i8!k;”
Parkour is just another Silly Walk.
March 23, 2025 at 8:36 PM
Parkour is just another Silly Walk.
Facebook Marketplace is the best place to purchase all my favorite 9/11 merch. I don’t know why they sell all that other crap though.
March 22, 2025 at 7:15 PM
Facebook Marketplace is the best place to purchase all my favorite 9/11 merch. I don’t know why they sell all that other crap though.
Anyone got a line on a Robocop job? Just had the surgery and it was very $$$
March 22, 2025 at 6:26 PM
Anyone got a line on a Robocop job? Just had the surgery and it was very $$$
Oh man. It was a really bad idea to switch from Blue Shield California to Ninkarrak, Assyrian goddess of healing. If I want her help with this strep throat, I have to smite the Hittites. #HealthcareInAmerica
March 19, 2025 at 4:47 PM
Oh man. It was a really bad idea to switch from Blue Shield California to Ninkarrak, Assyrian goddess of healing. If I want her help with this strep throat, I have to smite the Hittites. #HealthcareInAmerica
I generally try not to use too many “SAT” words. Instead I use 19th century German ones. This way I seem way more relatable and way less überheblich.
March 14, 2025 at 9:29 PM
I generally try not to use too many “SAT” words. Instead I use 19th century German ones. This way I seem way more relatable and way less überheblich.
So weird seeing my old work keep popping up. I wrote this one in 2009-2010? It keeps coming back. I see it somewhere every year or so.
March 8, 2025 at 9:55 PM
So weird seeing my old work keep popping up. I wrote this one in 2009-2010? It keeps coming back. I see it somewhere every year or so.
I hope I’m dead before they invent robotic replicas of your dog that pass the uncanny valley test, and if I’m not, NO GIFTS!
March 5, 2025 at 3:50 AM
I hope I’m dead before they invent robotic replicas of your dog that pass the uncanny valley test, and if I’m not, NO GIFTS!
Music trivia: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is actually about the drug L.I.T.S.W.D.
March 3, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Music trivia: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" is actually about the drug L.I.T.S.W.D.
Huh. Just noticed that all great movies have two-word tiles.
Get Out. Jojo Rabbit. Independence Day. Beetle Juice. The Dunkirk. Silver Playbook. La Land.
Wild!
Get Out. Jojo Rabbit. Independence Day. Beetle Juice. The Dunkirk. Silver Playbook. La Land.
Wild!
March 3, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Huh. Just noticed that all great movies have two-word tiles.
Get Out. Jojo Rabbit. Independence Day. Beetle Juice. The Dunkirk. Silver Playbook. La Land.
Wild!
Get Out. Jojo Rabbit. Independence Day. Beetle Juice. The Dunkirk. Silver Playbook. La Land.
Wild!
Working on an article about fondue tips. Thinking I’ll call it “Fondues & Fonshouldnt’s.” Thoughts?
March 3, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Working on an article about fondue tips. Thinking I’ll call it “Fondues & Fonshouldnt’s.” Thoughts?
I feel like Peter Shaffer missed an opportunity by naming it "Equus" instead of "Horse Play"
March 3, 2025 at 8:41 PM
I feel like Peter Shaffer missed an opportunity by naming it "Equus" instead of "Horse Play"
Oh well. Hopefully next year the Oscars will finally take my suggestion and add a “Should Be Dead” segment.
March 3, 2025 at 8:40 PM
Oh well. Hopefully next year the Oscars will finally take my suggestion and add a “Should Be Dead” segment.
"I now present, the Mona Li--achoo. Ohhhh fuck fuck fuck." Leonardo da Vinci, six months before presenting the Mona Lisa.
February 28, 2025 at 8:31 PM
"I now present, the Mona Li--achoo. Ohhhh fuck fuck fuck." Leonardo da Vinci, six months before presenting the Mona Lisa.