Jesse Bercier
@jessolido.bsky.social
5’8”, but like in a cool way. [he/him]
follow my GUT?? the thing all those website banner ads want me to lose with one weird trick? NO THANKS
December 10, 2025 at 7:40 PM
follow my GUT?? the thing all those website banner ads want me to lose with one weird trick? NO THANKS
I’ve been off hinge for a couple months now, but there was a profile where someone used the prompt “I bet you can’t…” and replied with “I bet I can” and I STILL get my day ruined remembering it. the text version of a middle finger in every photo, what the fuck are we doing here people
December 10, 2025 at 5:32 PM
I’ve been off hinge for a couple months now, but there was a profile where someone used the prompt “I bet you can’t…” and replied with “I bet I can” and I STILL get my day ruined remembering it. the text version of a middle finger in every photo, what the fuck are we doing here people
the one good thing to come from Chat GPT and AI is that it’s made it incredibly easy to peruse its defenders in my timeline and change the contact info for anyone whose number I have saved in my phone to “this fuckin’ pud”
December 10, 2025 at 5:20 PM
the one good thing to come from Chat GPT and AI is that it’s made it incredibly easy to peruse its defenders in my timeline and change the contact info for anyone whose number I have saved in my phone to “this fuckin’ pud”
haven’t been on stage doing standup in quite a while (maybe a year? more?). not that I was ever the BEST at it, but what if I completely forget how to be a hater?
December 8, 2025 at 6:15 PM
haven’t been on stage doing standup in quite a while (maybe a year? more?). not that I was ever the BEST at it, but what if I completely forget how to be a hater?
a business email/Teams message I’ll send in the apocalypse:
IT SEEMS TO BE AIRBORNE!
IT’S SPREADING RAPIDLY!
I’VE SEEN THE DEAD RISE
AND WALK AGAIN!!
WE NEED TO EVACUATE
THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY!!
no worries if not, though 😚
IT SEEMS TO BE AIRBORNE!
IT’S SPREADING RAPIDLY!
I’VE SEEN THE DEAD RISE
AND WALK AGAIN!!
WE NEED TO EVACUATE
THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY!!
no worries if not, though 😚
December 8, 2025 at 6:00 PM
a business email/Teams message I’ll send in the apocalypse:
IT SEEMS TO BE AIRBORNE!
IT’S SPREADING RAPIDLY!
I’VE SEEN THE DEAD RISE
AND WALK AGAIN!!
WE NEED TO EVACUATE
THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY!!
no worries if not, though 😚
IT SEEMS TO BE AIRBORNE!
IT’S SPREADING RAPIDLY!
I’VE SEEN THE DEAD RISE
AND WALK AGAIN!!
WE NEED TO EVACUATE
THE BUILDING IMMEDIATELY!!
no worries if not, though 😚
the guy who decides the location & functionality of the buttons on Instagram tried a new hairstyle and nobody complimented it & now we’re all paying for it
December 7, 2025 at 9:07 PM
the guy who decides the location & functionality of the buttons on Instagram tried a new hairstyle and nobody complimented it & now we’re all paying for it
when things aren’t going their best I will often take comfort in the fact that I never got mistaken for Busy Ramone from 90s Canadian teen staple show “Ready or Not” but then I immediately remember what I looked like at 17
December 5, 2025 at 9:27 PM
when things aren’t going their best I will often take comfort in the fact that I never got mistaken for Busy Ramone from 90s Canadian teen staple show “Ready or Not” but then I immediately remember what I looked like at 17
I think the lead singer of every local band should have to load in 3 big moving boxes full of books to every gig. When they become famous enough to hire roadies they can leave one of the boxes at home or ask for help carrying them
November 29, 2025 at 4:59 PM
I think the lead singer of every local band should have to load in 3 big moving boxes full of books to every gig. When they become famous enough to hire roadies they can leave one of the boxes at home or ask for help carrying them
life has been going too well lately so I got Subway for lunch
November 28, 2025 at 7:37 PM
life has been going too well lately so I got Subway for lunch
I miss the game of collective pretend we used to play in the 80s & 90s where a supermodel would reach into a freshly ironed bag of Doritos, pull out an obnoxiously crunchy chip and eat it in a single bite without a trace of crumbs or dust to be seen. we used to be a proper country, etc.
November 28, 2025 at 4:25 PM
I miss the game of collective pretend we used to play in the 80s & 90s where a supermodel would reach into a freshly ironed bag of Doritos, pull out an obnoxiously crunchy chip and eat it in a single bite without a trace of crumbs or dust to be seen. we used to be a proper country, etc.
[INT. - THE DETAILS]
[THE DEVIL is seen, irritated]
DEVIL: “ugh, this is embarrassing, my girlfriend came in here to try on a sweater and I fully lost sight of her. Have you seen a woman… she’s, uhh… kinda tall? Well sorta… her hair… not, like curly, but kinda?… maybe just page ‘Sheila’… or Sarah?”
[THE DEVIL is seen, irritated]
DEVIL: “ugh, this is embarrassing, my girlfriend came in here to try on a sweater and I fully lost sight of her. Have you seen a woman… she’s, uhh… kinda tall? Well sorta… her hair… not, like curly, but kinda?… maybe just page ‘Sheila’… or Sarah?”
November 28, 2025 at 3:01 PM
[INT. - THE DETAILS]
[THE DEVIL is seen, irritated]
DEVIL: “ugh, this is embarrassing, my girlfriend came in here to try on a sweater and I fully lost sight of her. Have you seen a woman… she’s, uhh… kinda tall? Well sorta… her hair… not, like curly, but kinda?… maybe just page ‘Sheila’… or Sarah?”
[THE DEVIL is seen, irritated]
DEVIL: “ugh, this is embarrassing, my girlfriend came in here to try on a sweater and I fully lost sight of her. Have you seen a woman… she’s, uhh… kinda tall? Well sorta… her hair… not, like curly, but kinda?… maybe just page ‘Sheila’… or Sarah?”
[X’ing out a window of the 2025 Nog Announcement livestream]
*sigh*… egg again?
*sigh*… egg again?
November 28, 2025 at 2:50 PM
[X’ing out a window of the 2025 Nog Announcement livestream]
*sigh*… egg again?
*sigh*… egg again?
love a good description that raises more questions than it answers. top tier ones include:
a pervert (but for sex)
angry and also mad
frothing at the mouth & elsewhere
as tall as he was boring
had a butt that wanted to quit
a pervert (but for sex)
angry and also mad
frothing at the mouth & elsewhere
as tall as he was boring
had a butt that wanted to quit
November 27, 2025 at 10:22 PM
love a good description that raises more questions than it answers. top tier ones include:
a pervert (but for sex)
angry and also mad
frothing at the mouth & elsewhere
as tall as he was boring
had a butt that wanted to quit
a pervert (but for sex)
angry and also mad
frothing at the mouth & elsewhere
as tall as he was boring
had a butt that wanted to quit
ME: hey Nintendo, could you add Zombies Ate My Neighbors or Super Castlevania IV to the SNES library?
SWITCH: eat shit pal, here’s some puzzle games w/ text entirely in Japanese but the characters all have English voices
ME: I guess that’s
SWITCH: joycons still drift, too. drink piss, you fuck
SWITCH: eat shit pal, here’s some puzzle games w/ text entirely in Japanese but the characters all have English voices
ME: I guess that’s
SWITCH: joycons still drift, too. drink piss, you fuck
November 26, 2025 at 9:50 PM
ME: hey Nintendo, could you add Zombies Ate My Neighbors or Super Castlevania IV to the SNES library?
SWITCH: eat shit pal, here’s some puzzle games w/ text entirely in Japanese but the characters all have English voices
ME: I guess that’s
SWITCH: joycons still drift, too. drink piss, you fuck
SWITCH: eat shit pal, here’s some puzzle games w/ text entirely in Japanese but the characters all have English voices
ME: I guess that’s
SWITCH: joycons still drift, too. drink piss, you fuck
[me in the old west] “THIS TOWN AIN’T B-“ [dies because I’m type 1 diabetic and cocaine/morphine are terrible replacements for insulin]
November 26, 2025 at 5:19 PM
[me in the old west] “THIS TOWN AIN’T B-“ [dies because I’m type 1 diabetic and cocaine/morphine are terrible replacements for insulin]
if you use chat GPT or other AI programs you NEED to see this:
you deserve to have your genitals stolen by a large bird. just YOINK!
and then they fly off toward the horizon, leaving a trail of viscera as they glide further away
you deserve to have your genitals stolen by a large bird. just YOINK!
and then they fly off toward the horizon, leaving a trail of viscera as they glide further away
November 26, 2025 at 3:05 PM
if you use chat GPT or other AI programs you NEED to see this:
you deserve to have your genitals stolen by a large bird. just YOINK!
and then they fly off toward the horizon, leaving a trail of viscera as they glide further away
you deserve to have your genitals stolen by a large bird. just YOINK!
and then they fly off toward the horizon, leaving a trail of viscera as they glide further away
if your infant has the sniffles or a fever trust that I want nothing but a speedy recovery for them and will help in any way I can, but I guarantee you I WILL say “SICK BABY 🤙” to you no fewer than 9 times
November 24, 2025 at 4:47 PM
if your infant has the sniffles or a fever trust that I want nothing but a speedy recovery for them and will help in any way I can, but I guarantee you I WILL say “SICK BABY 🤙” to you no fewer than 9 times
have you ever thought?
shit sucks, would NOT recommend
shit sucks, would NOT recommend
November 24, 2025 at 4:41 PM
have you ever thought?
shit sucks, would NOT recommend
shit sucks, would NOT recommend
dreamt I started a band called “The Christmas Draculas” and we only played twice a year and people were very mad about it
November 24, 2025 at 4:28 PM
dreamt I started a band called “The Christmas Draculas” and we only played twice a year and people were very mad about it
might today be the day that any video of a dog being adopted doesn’t make my eyes leak like a dollar store faucet? IT MIGHT THE FUCK NOT
November 20, 2025 at 2:41 PM
might today be the day that any video of a dog being adopted doesn’t make my eyes leak like a dollar store faucet? IT MIGHT THE FUCK NOT
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR: “aaaand done. Last one. Scorpio. Irritable, pinchy. Doesn’t like being around people. That wraps up th-“
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR’S BOSS: “that’s only eleven. Can you do one more? Just copy that last one and be done with it”
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR: “yes I can, sir… wait that sounds good”
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR’S BOSS: “that’s only eleven. Can you do one more? Just copy that last one and be done with it”
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR: “yes I can, sir… wait that sounds good”
November 19, 2025 at 5:10 PM
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR: “aaaand done. Last one. Scorpio. Irritable, pinchy. Doesn’t like being around people. That wraps up th-“
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR’S BOSS: “that’s only eleven. Can you do one more? Just copy that last one and be done with it”
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR: “yes I can, sir… wait that sounds good”
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR’S BOSS: “that’s only eleven. Can you do one more? Just copy that last one and be done with it”
ASTROLOGY INVENTOR: “yes I can, sir… wait that sounds good”
“Kinder Surprise” implies the existence of “Meaner Surprise”, a hollow chocolate egg filled with blue ink that stains your teeth & gets all over your shirt & fucks up your new balances
November 19, 2025 at 4:49 PM
“Kinder Surprise” implies the existence of “Meaner Surprise”, a hollow chocolate egg filled with blue ink that stains your teeth & gets all over your shirt & fucks up your new balances
I was fine earlier, pleasant even. then McDonalds served me a Coke Zero (when I asked for a Diet Coke) and it tastes like TV static that you whispered the world “cola” to and I just uppercutted a customer through our ceiling and a second customer said “TOAS-TYYY!!” so I’m gonna uppercut them, too
November 7, 2025 at 7:16 PM
I was fine earlier, pleasant even. then McDonalds served me a Coke Zero (when I asked for a Diet Coke) and it tastes like TV static that you whispered the world “cola” to and I just uppercutted a customer through our ceiling and a second customer said “TOAS-TYYY!!” so I’m gonna uppercut them, too
I thought Stevie Nicks was singing about a “one-winged dove” for an embarrassingly long time, but it made more sense to me to describe someone “on the edge of 17” (constantly singing, either moves very slowly or in circles, always bonking into and knocking things over, etc.)
October 23, 2025 at 2:54 PM
I thought Stevie Nicks was singing about a “one-winged dove” for an embarrassingly long time, but it made more sense to me to describe someone “on the edge of 17” (constantly singing, either moves very slowly or in circles, always bonking into and knocking things over, etc.)
[spoken like “my tummy hurts!”]
I’m *built* different
I’m *built* different
October 22, 2025 at 6:16 PM
[spoken like “my tummy hurts!”]
I’m *built* different
I’m *built* different