My kids call them “Alexander box bugs” for some reason 😅😂

There were two kids at my school’s Halloween parade that were dressed as the numbers 6 and 7. When they walked by, they shouted, “When I say 6, you say 7!” The whole crowd joined in and it was honestly delightful.

Oh no! Hoping you get feeling better soon. Sending good vibes your way!

I’m hopeful after yesterday’s elections that we are returning to a politics of care. Because even if that isn’t the world into which I welcomed my son, it’s the world I want him to grow up in and know. We all deserve so much better than what we’ve had.

No birthing person should have to go back to work leaking and bleeding and hoping their pads hold. And no parent should have to choose between earning an income and bonding with their newborn.

I worry US policymakers will dismiss the idea of parental leave simply because it doesn’t achieve their current goals. But so what if those policies don’t increase the birth rate? They at least respect the dignity of parents during a time of intense transition.

But it’s been a weird decade. And nothing has really changed. Instead, my newsfeed is filled with dire stories about how the birth rate is plummeting worldwide despite other countries’ generous parental leave policies.

To be honest, I’d hoped things would be better by now. After so many reports on the benefits of parental leave, I thought maybe the United States would catch up to the rest of the world and finally offer universal parental leave.

This picture from the article sums up how it felt to return to work—the fear that I was underperforming even though I had just given birth, the scrutiny and bullying from a co-clerk that only compounded that fear, and the daily sorrow of leaving a baby that sometimes didn’t feel like my own.

@carriejohnson.bsky.social graciously included my story in a report she did on the treatment of clerks in the federal judiciary for NPR. I encourage you to read it (though please take care—her report also includes stories about sexual assault).

I grieve the time I lost with my son every day. And I grieve the memories lost to postpartum anxiety in the months that followed. It’s hard not to be paranoid about not being able to do your best work when you aren’t given time to heal (being harassed by a co-clerk didn’t help either).

Leaving my son when he was so very little was excruciating. My husband took FMLA (unpaid). At times I felt like he was a better mother than I was because he actually had time to bond with our baby.

To say this experience was traumatic is an understatement. I returned to a surprisingly hostile workplace still bleeding and leaking. Within a week or two I developed a raging case of mastitis. Then a yeast infection. Then mastitis again.

Turns out, law clerks for federal judges don’t qualify for any type of formal leave (they still don’t). It’s all up to the judge’s discretion.

My judge told me I could take two weeks off after my son was born. He was born a week early. I ended up taking three.

It’s like a photo booth 😂